sábado, 6 de febrero de 2021

Newsvine - satire

Source: Social News | Social Media

A little-known but dangerous epidemic is spreading across members of social media websites like Digg, Reddit, Propeller, Newsvine, and Mixx.

Source: The Onion

Tiger Woods added yet another accomplishment to his already outstanding résumé Sunday when the 13-time major winner successfully putted his baby daughter, five-month-old Sam Alexis Woods, into a fresh Huggies diaper.

Source: thenoseonyourface.com

A new poll released by Rasmussen Reports shows that while 26% of Americans like stores to use "Happy Holidays" in their seasonal advertising, the remaining 74% prefer that the businesses simply tell them to "F*** off and give us your money."

Source: MotherJones.com

My new attorney general, Mukasey, is on the case. He's an expert in compound torturous tenses: waterboarding was not was torture; waterboarding is not maybe is torture; waterboarding will not we'll never tell you torture.

My new cell phone can do 93, 763, 883, 911, 007 things and I can understand only two of them so far; Is this a phone or a super computer or a game station or what? I don't know. Are all these options necessary.

In a stunning development Wednesday, political analyst Ttocs Iktub discovered the solution to the puzzle that has stymied so many weaker, inferior political analysts, namely why do Ron Paul's poll numbers online not match those off-line.

Source: OpEdNews.Com Progressive

For Medicare recipients, it's not just Sparkle Season, it's Medicare Part D Season. By December 31, they must enroll or re-enroll in their Medicare Part D insurance plans.

For those of you who have been watching the leaderboard and scratching your head I am here to answer your most frequently asked questions.

Source: The Onion

This is quite, um, stirring

In a recent surveyal of people named Adam conducted on Newsvine, Ron Paul is rating at two-thirds, that is 66.67%. This survey of Newsviners was conducted surreptitiously so that, unlike most polls, it would not affect its sample. It was therefore free of bias.

Source: Guardedly Optimistic

iPod: It'll break in a year, but by then you'll want the new one. Apple: You think you need it, we know you just want it. Panasonic: Didn't you mean to buy Sony? Ikea: One day you'll be able to afford real furniture.

Source: The Onion

excerpt: "According to committee chairman Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT), however, the most important matter is restoring honor and dignity to the dentist's office.

Source:

God I love this writer

Following University of Florida Quarterback Tim Tebow's historic Heisman win Saturday night, Jesus Christ, savior of the world, held a press conference in Gainesville to discuss his role in Tebow's victory. "We watched a lot of tape," Christ said.

Source: The Morning News

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL advises a mother who's walked in on her son during a private moment.

The population of the USA is about 300 million. 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work.

Source: Iowa Hawk

It was a unseasonably cool day, as I remember it; when I pushed the "message" button on my phone, a Meridian M3903 Digital, I distinctly remember being distracted by the "pekka-pekka" of raindrops against my office window as I listened to the message.

Source: thewayithink.co.uk

Russia has come out in declaration that they are totally miffed at the French for taking "nearly all the good villain parts" in Hollywood films since the war on terror began.

Source: Australian Broadcasting Corporation

A Sydney court has heard that prosecutors are considering a request to drop charges against members of ABC TV's The Chaser's War on Everything.

Source: The Primate Diaries

Then the forum was opened for questions. This was a mistake. Predictably, the liberals in attendance had to ruin the pleasant event with references to important issues that effect the real world ...

Source: The Onion

McGowan claimed that one of the main reasons the movement enjoyed so little success in the past was that the previous management was often too timid and passive and should have been much more results-focused.

Source:

The life of the original Mohammed the Bear may have been cut short but there are many more Mohammed bears who bravely came forward to replace him. And some of them are fetching quite a pretty penny.

Toady's weather in the southern Arizona desert is about like the worst mid winter weather. It is cloudy, cold, rainy and windy. The harsh winter weather hit early this year. Everyone is putting on extra clothing,staying indoors and thinking about moving south for the winter.

Source: The Onion

In what is being called a seminal moment in Internet history, a rare weekend post by 25-year-old blogger Ben Tiedemann on his website bentiedemanntellsall.blogspot.com rocked the 50 million-member blogosphere this Saturday.

Source: The Onion

Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions, and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard …