I WANT A SEQUEL DAMN IT!

I need to know what happens now Sirius is back!

You have written a remarkable story! It was very imaginative and I was completely enthralled with every chapter. Thank goodness I ran across your story after it was complete. I don't think I could have been able to bear waiting for more chapters.

I must admit that I was amazed when I found out how young you were half way through the story. This is a compliment by the way. You have an incredible talent for writing and I sincerely hope that you have chosen journalism or writing as your career.

I look forward to reading a sequal to this story and any other stories you write. You are the first author to go into my favorite author list.

Well Done!

it seems like a pretty good storybut i cant really tell the plot much(which isnt much of a problem i mean its only chap 3) but u seem to be using the storie to just swear a bunch from all of jkr's book harry doesnt think like that and would it kill ya to use some punctuation and paragraphs? other than that good job i like it so far

I've just finished reading you're story and I must say that I was completely amazed by it! WOW! *speechless* I've been reading for the past three days and getting to the ending made me feel like my best friend had just died, because I looked forward to reading the rest of the story every day! I loved how you brought your character Lana to life...she is a total anti-hero. The only problem I have with this story is that it wasn't longer :)

I hope that I'll be reading the sequel soon.

Jen

I can't stand Harry Potter fics that aren't about Harry Potter I find it pretty stupid to have like a super woman who's realy in her mid 30's and her body stopped growing at 18, and so far we've seen more of that woman then anybody else in the fic, sorry but not one of the better fics, better luck next time.

L.U.D.

this is ingenious...now u said there will be a sequel so im hoping me u could tell me the name of it so i can go read...and again this was absolutely ingenious!=^-^=

its elliot again. i would like to say that at the end of the 23rd chapter you say that Lupin was stood outside the Three Broomsticks waiting for Lana. yeah putting aside the grammatical error there is something else wrong: the three broomsticks is in hogsmeade, not in diagon alley. just another error. remember. my AIM sn is randomiam016.

now. i just finished reading the 18th chapter of your fanfic called "Why? secrets, lies, and the truth hurts". i am aware that you wrote this OVER a year ago and updated it more than six months ago. however, you missed one great mistake you made. im not sure if you correct it with an author's note, but i will correct you as of now: in the fifth year of hogwarts at the end lucius malfoy is arrested. this is vital to your story because he DOES play a main role in the 'present' or summer AFTER the fifth year. just thought you'd like to know that you made that error. if you get this please IM me and we can talk for a little. my screen name for AIM is RandomIam016.

You better write a sequel! That was the best story I have ever read! You the greatest writer! After reading this you rendered me speechless! There ar know words to describe it. It is just amazingly awesome. I usually don't like OC's but this was wonderful!

Really cool Fanfic. I liked it a lot.

*big sad/happy face* Aw! He's back! *jumps for joy* Not what I expected after reading the previous chapter, but it works. A sequel sounds nice, as there are indeed loose ends that need to be tied up. I'm not sure if I overlooked something, but I'm confused as to why he came back a week later (perhaps you could email me if i overlooked something? or not if it will be mentioned in the sequel ^_^). It was great fun watching this story progress from the introduction of the mysterious Lana, to reading about the Maurauder gang back in their Hogwarts days, to the present day conflicts that Harry and the rest of the cast were struggling through, to the tear jerker conversation of Lana and Sirius on the other side of the Veil. I very much liked the dialogue, even though it made me sad that after so much pain and suffering Sirius realized that he shouldn't come back. However, the ending makes up for it, as well as creates a new feeling of happiness and hope- which was absent in this story (for a good reason). It was well written and I greatly enjoyed it! Kudos to you for keeping me entertained!

There's just no other way to say it... I laughed, I cried, I loved your story! It was so unbelievably... real. Awesome. I HAVE to find the next part... I hope you make a series!

Okay, sweetie. Don't take this badly- you are a good writer, with a heap of potential. Which is why I would hate to see that potential go to waste because of a few little mistakes. I am at a loss as to why no one else has pointed these things out, but anyway- here goes.

Most importantly- learn to take criticism better. If you want to be a writer, you are going to have to grow thicker skin. Rowling's books are immensely well written and brilliant to read, but SHE still gets critiqued. it doesn't matter how many stories anyone else has posted- they have the right to criticism of your story, as your readership. I myself have posted a total of zero stories, because I am still honing my craft, and would be a little embarrassed to post my Sirius Black wish fulfillment stories with as many simple errors as your story has.

That's not to say that I don't agree with you- Sirius is better paired with an OC than Lupin or (squick) Harry. However, your story is a bit of a Mary Sue. When I was age, I was not aware of this particular phenomenom either, nor was I aware of the mistakes I was making, but a trip to a good fanfiction advice site will help you solve these problems.

Put simply- you need to break up your paragraphs. Read read read- this will help you above anything else to get the form and style of real writing right. Show, don't tell, at all times. Better for another character to notice that someone looks good, than for them to say themselves. Try to use words, not numbers- I know you are pressed for time, but little details like this show you care about your writing, and it will make others care. Never scrounge for reviews- write for yourself above all, not simply to get adulation. You don't need an incentive to right other than your own desire and the joy your talent should bring you. Don't insert things like- "they are the flarey kind from New Look". Describe describe describe. And using "New Look" places you outside Rowling's world. As does the use of songs.

And one more thing, if you've managed to get to the end of this borefest. TRY to stay in character. That means no use of the word ass, very little slang, etc. Read and re-read Rowling's books- try to capture the essence of them. If you can't or don't want to, then you need to be writing in a different genre.

Good luck, sweetie. Your story is sweet and has obviously taken you a lot of time- stamina is a talent hard to comeby. Remember- you're still young and there's plenty of time to learn. I'm sure you'll do fine.

hi charlotte m8, i found a mistake so i thought id point it out 2 ya. in the 2nd chapter on the 2st line u put 'walking with Dursleys.' and it shud be walking with the Dursleys shudnt it? sorry if im worng tho m8 lol. im gunna get through all this story 2nite n i wil giv it a review afta. luv katy xx

GOOD! BRILLIANT!
START SEGUEL ASAP!