wow you're the queen/king of mess and disorganization... you've written a good story but you pretty ruined the experience to the readers. There are Beta profiles (readers and reviewers) here on fanfiction whose job is to help you with that kind of problem. I hope you'll get help because it's such a shame to see so many typo, incoherency and whatever! Just fix it! Good luck!

LOL - Jar Jar. That was sweet of him.

She is wearing a nubian skirt but in the previous chapter it said she hadn't bothered with her disguise?

I am having trouble with how Leia was treated badly by her adopted parents. I was under the impression that they couldn’t have kids and adopting was a great blessing for them? I could be wrong about that. Of course, this is fan fiction and you can do what you want with it. I’m still interested in reading the rest.

I have the same comments as the previous two chapters. The paragraph that starts with “he let his feelings spread out” is a bit confusing. I had to read it a couple times and still wasn’t totally sure what you meant with “as he and Padme was lead to their deaths.” I like the interesting cliffhanger at the end.

There are issues with spelling/sentence structure/grammar. A lot of run-on sentences could be fixed by the correct placement of commas. On the other side, I like your vocabulary. And I like how you talk about the relationship between Admiral Piett and Darth Vader.

The story is interesting. I'm eager to move on to the next chapter. There are a lot of errors with grammar and sentence structure. Despite that, it is easy to read has a flow to it.

Padmé's mother was Jobal, her father was Ruwee, her sister was Sola, and her nieces were Ryoo (Check spelling, but she was the older chid), and Pooja (the younger one). ~ Larka

Lovely story. The grammar needs work, but I'm quite fascinated by Leia's and Vader's adventures. Hope you're planning to update soon as that cliffhanger you ended with is absolutely torturous!

I dont know if you know this but sola is the sister

OMG, please update! I am excited to see Vader's reaction!

hey there,

just a little review to hopefully brighten your day, don't listen to peple who flame your story, editing is a pain in the butt and it's no big deal if people like the story they don't care.

I'm really enjoying this story and looking forward to your next post, please let it be soon. I'm dying to hear about vader and leia and her grandmother hashing out their history.

Many thanks.

I just got this story and i love it. Can't wait for Vader's Reaction to that Grandaughter stuff because that would change a lot of things.

I love your story, its very well written and the characters are actually staying in character, which is something that often times doesn't happen. I would really like to know how this story turns out and I hope you update soon.