Woohoo!

I can't wait!

Huh. Jareth seems a little too nice if you ask me, but that's okay. Good job if you want to leave it there or write another chapter as an epilogue or something like that. Either way would work fine.

Hm...not too sure about how you wrote this chapter. Don't get me wrong, I like the developments, but I think that the police officers would have arrived before the news aired the story out of respect for the family of the victims. And the police officers did seem a bit ... laid back. Not like they would have been.

Just notes so that you can improve your writing. Like I said, it is a good story, just not as good as it could be (things rarely are).

Hm. It felt a little rushed, but not too bad for your first shot at writing a fan fiction. My first was terrible and I keep meaning to go back and change it so it's better, but I can never find the time.

This was actually pretty good, even if it was a little rushed.

Of course I want you to continue! Cool chappie!

interesting

Possible last chapter? You could if you wanted just to dangle it in front of dear readers. I think it sounds like a wonderful beginning personally.

please update very soon!1

interesting

I like the idea of your story, however, the police wouldn't automatically assume that Sarah knew about the crash.

I like it. Keep writing.

I also have a nit pick. There last name is Williams not Daniels and they are apparently in some New England town not in Georgia unless they moved but over night?.

Keep it coming

First, never rush a story. Let the story tell itself. Chapters are just the natural breaks in the narration. You shouldn't let the amount of chapters dictate your story.

You need to check, recheck and triple check your spelling and typos. You also need to be careful to make sure that characters stay in character. For example, the police officers were completely unprofessional.

Good luck.

You spelt sundae Sunday. Which did you mean?

Whoa! This is very interesting. Nice start. More Please?

It feels like the story moves a tad fast, but it's a good start.