I really liked how this story made such good references to the "real" star wars. It felt very much like a natural continuation, and did not seem forced at all. I think the remorse of Darth Vader (now Anakin)as he views his past life really redeems him in the light of the reader. Such phrases as "you sound like a doting father" in Chapter 7 let the reader know that Anakin has truly changed back to his original self, and the old Darth Vader is gone. This was well done.

Now that Jacen seems to be following in his grandfathers footsteps, I would like to see Anakin do everything possible to stop him. I think it would be great if, as Jacen goes farther and farther to the dark side, if Vader (meaning Anakin dressed as his former dark self) could manifest in front of Jacen so that he could communicate with him. Jacen has certainly heard of his grandfather, and If Darth Vader were to present himself, and warn Jacen he was going down the wrong path, I think it might have a great influence over him.

This story is certainly an interesting twist to the original Star Wars plot. I liked that the story goes beyond original characters and includes new ones such as Anakin's grandson, Jacen. Reading through the story, it was a bit confusing at times to figure out which character was talking. Also, I would have liked to have read more about the background setting and description of the environment around the characters. As Qui-Gon and Anakin traveled through the different settings, I found it hard to imagine where they were and what they were observing.

In terms of where the story should go next, I think that Anakin should fall into a reflection of what he was going through when he was believed to the "Chosen One" and was being trained by Obi-Wan. At the time, Anakin was clouded by fear. However Jacen believes that he is the one who will bring peace. He has clear goals. So, maybe Anakin can help Jacen channel this goal and help him to realize his potential. Also, I would like the story to expand on Anakin's relationship with Padme.

Great story so far. I hope this review helps!

-Karen Lee

Although I am sure that this story is easy to follow for an avid Star Wars fan, the narrative was rather hard to follow for someone unfamiliar with the intricacies of the backstory and characters. During some moments in the story, the dialogue was rather long with few breaks to remind a reader of which character was speaking which lines. I am a rather visual person when it comes to this sort of story, and it was difficult for me to imagine characters communicating with one another when I lack the visual representations of each person in my head. Someone who is immersed in the Star Wars universe could surely place a face and name to each of the characters more readily, yet for me they are foreign entities and I cannot imagine them interacting with one another. I also struggle with the nature of the character names, which I think is something I have always had a difficult time grasping when reading any sort of fantasy writing. I understand that many people love this genre, but for myself it is difficult to fall into the groove when reading fantasy or science fiction. I feel that my confusion is a disconnect between myself and the story, not due to a fault in the story itself.

While I would love to provide constructive and meaningful feedback about the direction of the story, I do not feel confident in doing so. I think that if I were writing a research paper about teaching, I would like for any feedback about the direction of my paper to come from someone who works in the field of education; similarly, I believe that you should gain insight into the direction of your story from someone who is invested in the characters and plot line in a meaningful way. While I appreciate the story that you have began to create, I am unable to provide you with any meaningful advice.

- Megan Matthias

I am not a huge Star Wars buff, but I knew enough about the story to pick it up here. I find that the relationship between Darth Vader and Luke isn't adequately delineated here. We don't hear anything from the author about Luke's feelings during this intense moment. That is definitely missing. However, I find that this chapter is clever in that is shows Anakin's remorse, sort of. His remorse could could be talked about more in depth.

Basically, I liked it all, but more detail would have made it much more interesting!

Since I a) do not like Star Wars and b) come from a creative writing background, my best critique will come from an analysis of the writing style.

The story in its current form seems better suited to be written as a screenplay, rather than a traditional book with chapters, etc. The reliance on dialogue, the continual post-dialogue modifiers ("Lumiya!" Anakin gasped. / "Yes," Qui-Gon affirmed. gasped/affirmed), and the reliance on action/movement/character response ("Involuntarily Anakin closed his fist, then opened it") to drive the plot makes it seem that the author either wanted this to be converted into a screenplay or wrote it thinking of the prior Star Wars films, and catered the style to that of the on-screen films. There are also quite a few descriptions that simply don't elaborate on the action. For example: "whispered, as if to avoid being heard." The reader cannot imagine someone whispering to avoid being heard. We get that he wants to speak quietly, but how do you do something in an attempt to avoid being heard? Wouldn't he just not make any noise at all? This is also seen in phrases like, "walked purposefully," which are cliche and do not elaborate on the action. Even something like, "walked, step by bounding step," would work better as a way for the reader to visualize what is happening. You cannot visualize purposeful walking in a specific way. It's too vague. Finally, a lot of the dialogue is cheesy. "He grew up surrounded by war. So he thirsts for peace." / "Sounds like an admirable goal." Anakin's response may work if it were a line in a mainstream movie, but in a written story, the cleverness and tightness of prose needs to be the standard. Even having Anakin respond with simply, "Admirable," is an upgrade.

As for the story's direction, I like the idea of Padme being the healer/restorer of past hurt relationships. The chapter ends with a set up for this even to occur, and it would be a natural progression of the plot. You've got some tension that can form between their past troubles and current desire to resolve them, and it can help to forward the plot without being too twisty. And, it goes towards a happy direction, which we all love, right?

Hopefully this was helpful. Best of luck with the rest of the story.

I thought this was an interesting way to approach the end of the Star wars series. I was a bit confused when it began switching between different characters - especially with Vader and Anakin.

It was neat how there is dialogue and very discriptive, however, i also fount the short paragraphs a bit choppy when reading it, but the content was good and flowed nicely.

"I wish I had died with Padmé," This is so fitting for Aniken. I believed this when I originally saw it. There is so much in this troubled character, that is rich with drama.

This chapter helped in bringing more background to the continuing story. The puzzling completed in dialogue helps me to understand setting better. "Anakin grimaced, then nodded. 'It was rather amusing to see Obi-Wan as a little boy, sucking his thumb.'" Terrific visual!

In this story of Darth Vader in the afterlife, I enjoyed how the extended story was able to highlight Annikan’s softer side, before he turned into Darth Vader. This story gives a great illustration of how everyone has a back story and so much can be clarified once previous lives are brought to life. There are many parallels that can be made by the reference of the force and how that is even played out in life today. It was explained that Obi Won had a very good grasp of using the force because he was more logical and not as emotionally driven as others. This can also be compared to the way we view life today and how thinking rationally and logically can produce better outcomes. In the end I would like to see if Princess Leia and Anakin are able to reconcile their differences and would also like to see if Leia ends up falling under her father’s footsteps like she feared. Of course I would like to see what happens to Luke’s 3rd son and how his temperament will affect his destiny.

I liked the explanations of why things happened in the past and what different characters were thinking. I think the story would have been more interesting if there was something more in the future or present time. The use of the ghost-like characters makes the story more intellectual that action-based, which is interesting, but a little slow. I always felt that Star Wars was successful because of its deep plot balanced with action.

I didn't like the analogies with computer programs because computers and technology seems to be used in a different way in the Star Wars world than in our world. I always appreciated that bit of mystery of not knowing how everything worked in their world.

I would like to know more about the mother of Luke's children and Leia's past if we are digging up the past. Otherwise, I'd like to get on with the story about Anakin's connection with his kids and grandkids.

Meaningful dialogue toward the end. It would appear the author is writing with the belief that everyone reading understands the backstory of Star Wars and its character. Some of the characters, I do not recall, and it is challenging to hold my attention, while I am puzzling the backstory presented.

My suggestion is to split this chapter into 2 or 3 chapters. This suggestion is based on converting some of the dialogue toward the end of the chapter into a vision or flash back. It would make it more meaningful, and instructive to the reader. As it reads now, there are a lot of names of which do not relate to me, and situations which are swiftly described without allowing the situations to saturate firmly into the story's schema.

I would use the next couple of chapters to expand on the later half of dialogue as described above.

A clever reveal was established in this chapter. The author created a beautiful back-story for Obi-Won's early encounter with Yoda and the force. Mixed with the domestic violence drama, the backstory blends in beautifully with Obi-Won's adult calling, to counter-balance his thwarted childhood.

My guess is that we may see yet another backstory, or continue with Obi-Won's.

I really liked getting some backstory for Obi-Wan, as well as an explanation for how most Jedis are trained so young.

I think the next step for the story must be a bit more spying on Jacen so that Anakin can understand how to intervene successfully. I also think the next couple chapters should see Anakin "growing up" in a sense, and getting over some of his regrets for the sake of focusing on the task at hand.

This chapter presents an intriguing puzzle for the reader. The writing leaves the reader wanting to find out how this mother and son relate to Aniken. There were a couple more names ("Bail Organa" is one), who could have had a brief character reference to the previous story line. I say that simply because I don't recall all of the character's roles and/or names.

The obvious flow of what should come next is the reveal. This backstory will likely relate to Aniken,in a manner in which he will have to resolve internally.