 shelter 12/10/09 . chapter 1Nicely written drabble. But I felt that after the 3rd paragraph you were already conveying the same images, the same ideas. Instead of focusing on whether or not Clare feels comfortable, why not shift thr attention to action? What is Jean doing? Is Clare watching Jean? What are the settings that make the place conducive for this so-called romantic situation?
Also, do be careful of your tenses. You slipped into present tense in the last paragraph. I would prefer writing drabbles in present-tense because they're so short, but I think your style seems more suitable.
This is not a flame. Just trying to point out weaknesses so your next few drabbles will be better.
I'll be reading as long as you keep updating. |