perfect

Fucking fantastic. No pun intended.

Beautiful, just beautiful, I could almost feel the closeness and the emotion in the writing, some parts felt a little iffy, but that was probably only 1% of the writing, for the most part I think this was wonderfully written and will personally take notes for my own future writings( which I should really finish the rough draft at least v.v), All in all I think this piece was easily a 9/10

It started off cute, but the sex became awkward pretty quickly due to the word choice and descriptives. For the loss of virginity I think there could be more emotion involved, as well as less porn-y/playboy letters sex. The point where you lost me in the narrative was when she felt blood come out in droplets. That's... well... The dialogue later would have thrown me out if that part wasn't there.

But you have a good sense of pacing. I can see you becoming better with more practice.

Although I find it hard to pick a favorite girl (they are all cute in their own way), Chie has always been the one I'm inclined to the most. She just has this... energy around her. I can easily see why the stoic Souji/Yu would fall for her. Plus! She's just too cute when she blushes.

Anyway, you wrote a lovely story. I liked the pacing, it was neither rushed nor overly elaborate. It made for a very pleasant and smooth read.

when i first played P4, i chose chie as my girlfriend, when it came time for xmas, she stayed the night; this is what happened. while we may not have seen it, it was insinuated. well done.

Ah, Chie x Souji (or Chouji, I just realized) is a fandom that doesn't get enough lemons and hentai for it. This story is a prime example of what we need: The savior of the world and his martial artist comrade having sex. There's a lot of everything else, but not enough of this.

That was an extremly cute and passionate story. Two thumbs up!

I'm surprised no one reviewed this yet.

Well, certainly a nice little romantic story, easily fitting into the game where a scene like this would be left out. Overall, I feel its a very heartfelt lovers story and I congratulate for that, especially for a kind of uncommon pairing.

-Vegeta the 3rd