Very good and intro i love how you figured point of views

Really good. Very good writing and a interesting storyline. A heartfelt and emotional story, this was a very good read.

Your writing is really good!

Well, Ive finally managed to read your hole story and write a comment! .

I remember I found your fic years ago and fell in love with it. When, not so long ago, I re-found it; I was so happy to see you were completing it. As a “writer” I know how difficult it is to make a decent enough fic with a satisfacting end. As a reader, I really appreciate fics being completed, even if the author takes time to do so.

This story has captured me and give me a lot of contradictory feelings while reading it, due to the harsh events and twisted personalities you displayed. However, whats so clear to sentence without a doubt is, that your writing skills are very good and you did a really nice job with this story :)

I will sure keep an eye on your future projects ;)

great story! you should think about making a sequel, i'd love to read it!

Aaaahhh I'm so glad you're making a sequel! I really like this fic!

And there we go, the story's end. As usual, you wrote superbly, blending the 1990 movie canon and your OC and the differences made by her presence seamlessly. You really had me hooked, wanting to know what was going to happen next. I was surprised- I truly believed that Jack had tricked Arianna and won her over! It seems like she was playing a "game" of her own, putting up her own act.
I was not expecting the story to close in about exactly the same way as the 1990 movie did in canon. Nothing wrong with that, necessarily, but I just thought the end of the story would diverge from the canon one more. But you made it plausible and realistic for things to end that way; it's believable that Arianna could have done what she did in this chapter. Great work with writing your own excellent dialogue and accurately including dialogue from the 1990 movie.
You deserve special congratulations for persisting and completing this story in spite of first starting it 5 years ago. I recently completed a story begun 4 years ago, and I've got other projects and planned stories that have been on the drawing board for years since I first thought of them. I admire the fact that you did not give up and saw this story through. You are RIGHT that this is something you can be proud of.
I caught that reference immediately. That was a clever use of it, and truthful. Piggy WAS warned, he was told, nevertheless, he persisted. Very true. How very ironic that a man excusing his questionable actions made that memorable, unintentional compliment. The man who made that statement is, in my mind, not representative of leadership at all. Defiance in the face of bullies and authoritarians carries risks, but it's what needs to be done.
"Clean Slate", huh? Yeah, I'll sure read that. You bet. I'm already set to follow both this story and you as an author, so I'll get notified by email when the first chapter of Clean Slate goes up. Way back, I made some attempts at writing some depictions of what happened after the island. It was some of my earliest work and not all that good if you ask me, but hey. Please do write Clean Slate. I'll be sure to read it, as I said. I'll stay tuned, for sure. Overall, my thanks to you for this excellent story. Well done.

I only just saw that you started updating again! I was so excited that I even told my friends about it lol I really like how you've written Ariana's character, and Jack too. When she thinks he's being gentle with her it's only because he thinks he's "winning". Really interesting character development. You write the dark situation on the island really well. it's not too awfully graphic like I've seen in some other fanfics but you make it clear what's going on. Anyway, you're full of talent, and I really hope they're saved!

This is by far the best chapter yet. It's mostly your own work, but there's moments and dialogue drawn from the 1990 film that are seamlessly worked into the chapter. Roger, Arianna, Jack, and Peter all had great featured POVs and dialogue here. This really is some outstanding work. I was glad to see an update so soon, and this chapter, more than any other before, had me on the edge of my seat. Each scene, I was wondering what was happening next. Peter, the small boy who asks Ralph "Are we ever going home?" in the 1990 movie, gets his moment in this chapter. You featured him some before, using him to represent the innocence and fear of Jack and Roger among the littleuns.
But in this chapter, Peter goes from a notable minor character to a significant one- if only briefly. Arianna continues to care for the smaller boys, and Peter clearly appreciates it a great deal, thinking of her as being like his older sister. His nightmare and the reactions to it were well-done. In Chapter 11, Peter unknowingly stops Arianna from going into the ocean to drown, and then does the insanely reckless and attacks Roger while he is strangling Arianna. Is it Peter that gets whipped in the 1990 movie? I forget. That was very brave of Peter and speaks volumes of Arianna- that Peter's fear of Roger was momentarily outweighed by his liking for Arianna.

Arianna was daring to attack Roger like that. Unfortunately he called her bluff in just the right way and won. Roger really is fearless, isn't he? Of course he'd rather not be hurt or killed, but when Arianna has him at her mercy, he just taunts her, almost like he *wants* her to do it. Like he doesn't care. Jack does have a small, much-suppressed conscience even now, and it came out as he tried to call Roger off. But at that moment Roger was not listening. Without Peter he might have killed her.

But cold, sociopathic Roger has no subtlety. He isn't suave or clever. Despite being a cadet captain at military school versus Jack as a first lieutenant and Ralph as a cadet lieutenant colonel, Roger has little to say when they first land on the island and only becomes all that vocal when things start falling apart and he becomes the Chief's right hand. What all this means is that Jack can be just as horny and amoral, but he can use his handsome looks and natural charm to convince people he is as angelic and caring as he appears. Jack's conscience is enough to make him not want Arianna killed, but not enough to make him actually do the right thing at just about any other time. Teenage hormones and his lust for power are definitely doing most of the talking here. Yet Jack is visibly struggling late in the chapter, and it really is brilliant how he realized, after perhaps starting unintentionally, that he could fool Arianna with a gentler approach and get her to respond the way he wants in spite of what's happened so far. At the end of the chapter Jack has realized he can still charm her and enjoy the benefits. Jack is enjoying some very physical benefits at the end of the chapter, and I think Arianna is facing a new danger as Jack returns to charming and manipulating her more gently. Jack's clever but immoral actions at the end of Chapter 11 reminded me of something that I'll quote here.

"And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil."
-William Shakespeare, "Richard III"

This as an outstanding chapter. I look forward to reading the next one.

Glad to see this story updated. All the different POVs are excellent, well done. You weave the AU of your story into the canon of the 1990 movie especially well in this chapter. The startoff is also excellent, drawing the reader in with a strong, well-written POV on Arianna after what happened in the last two chapters. Arianna has definitely been affected by life on the island and what Jack and Roger have done. Jack is taking more serious control of his tribe now, but you rightly describe him as being paranoid and sensitive to any challenge to his authority. I notice in this chapter that Jack has absolutely dropped his remarkably convincing "charmer" act. He's the chief now and he doesn't have to ask for anything; he forced himself on Arianna in anger and that has surely affected his thinking. I notice Jack does not seem to be as bothered by Roger's cold, sadistic behavior. Jack's getting meaner, and so what Roger does and thinks bothers him less.
Interesting how the increasing savagery is affecting Arianna, too, with her recognizing she would be cruel and merciless to the boys who have wronged her on the island if she could, as well as to her old enemy at school. Also interesting that she hates Roger more than Jack, who is in charge and has allowed Roger to do what he's done from the beginning. But then, Roger is worse. Jack at least has a conscience to suppress. Jack and Roger had best sleep lightly- but then, they're the strongest and meanest guys on the island. Arianna won't get her revenge easily, if at all.

Liked the POV on Luke and Arianna's perception of his motives for doing what Jack says. Some guys really are like that, especially as kids. Luke is the one with the most "military" haircut, a short buzz, and he is one of several characters in the 1990 movie with little to say who side with Jack. I think Luke isn't an especially bad person; he just does not have the willpower or intelligence to seriously think for himself. He's the perfect servant for a dictator, as he finds it easier to just do what he's told and assume things will work out as the strong, confident leader says they will.

Roger is the coldest and cruelest one here, and you- and the 1990 movie- depict him perfectly. He represents the worst in society, the types of people who are only held in check by society and its rules, and if those checks suddenly no longer exist, will do anything they want to others. They have no conscience, and if anything enjoy the pain, hate, and suffering of people they brutalize and oppress. I'd bet money that Roger actually would prefer rape to consensual sex, because he very much seems the type that would rather take it by force than bother persuading anyone. That's a really good line from Arianna, "You're the monster," and it's a perfect description of the character that Roger doesn't seem bothered by the statement at all.

Loved the POV on Jack. The high of absolute power is getting to him, and he either doesn't notice how it's changing him, or he doesn't care. Jack in the 1990 movie is short-tempered, vain, and irresponsible. Here he's developing his darker side, and his small redeeming side is fading away. And Roger, all the time, is backing him (conditionally) and guiding him in the direction Roger wants. Jack has a brief moment of doubt when he and his guys realize they killed Simon in the excitement- but he quickly suppresses it and turns nasty again, and I thought it was interesting and very much in character that Jack would see admitting he'd made a mistake as unacceptable. He can't do that, so even if he didn't intend to kill Simon, he has to act like he did. Doubtless Jack thinks any admission of doubt or guilt would make him look weak, so he puts up the strongest and most manly image he can. I think you get Jack's thoughts in canon and in your story perfectly; he can't get enough of the power he has and just wants more and more of it. Him telling Arianna "Suck" and her silent, hateful compliance was a superb and seamless addition to that scene in the 1990 movie. Jack and Roger have forced Arianna into compliance with their wants and urges, but they won't get much mercy if she ever has the upper hand down the road- especially Roger.

Ralph is still the underdog, the good guy trying to do the right thing, and it does him little good on this island. He's on his own apart from Piggy and is powerless to help Arianna.
Simon was probably the kindest and smartest one on the island. His death was a tragedy in the 1990 movie and here- well, in any version.
I can see how Golding's writing might have influenced your writing of this chapter. You blend some hints and influences of his work, the 1990 movie, and your own understanding and view of the characters together seamlessly. This really is some excellent work. More updates soon? Outstanding. I never thought I'd see someone take the "girl on the island" idea and actually make it work, but you did it. I will be reading and reviewing each chapter you post for this story.

I'm so glad that this story is continuing i love it! How you depict Jack is exactly how he would be if there was a girl on the island

Great to be the first reviewing this new chapter. You did an *excellent* job. Jack and Roger as they are in canon are represented perfectly here, just as you've done so far. And I want to praise not only your writing skills, but your development of canon characters within your story and your OC. So many stories featuring an OC do not work out well because of lack of ability from the writer. Arianna seems human and actually doesn't stand out as a self-insert or Mary Sue. Making an OC "real" is real hard to do, so I'm impressed you've done this well.
Things have definitely changed now. And Jack was not kidding when he said the seemingly-harmless words, "You've just made a deal with the devil". Jack is less outright cruel than Roger, but he continues to refuse to do anything that would threaten his alliance and friendship with Roger. Faced with a moral decision, Jack always does the more selfish thing, and here, where he has sex AND power to gain if he goes the way Roger wants, it is even more likely Jack will not deviate from the course he's on.
Jack was being a real charmer at times earlier, using his social skills to make Arianna interested in the appeal he has. But now he has control and doesn't need to bother with that anymore. Already he's behaving more like Roger, just taking what he wants, whether it's from Ralph and Piggy or from Arianna. Jack doesn't want her going anywhere, that's for sure, and he forces himself on her much more like Roger this time. An observation, though- in Ch 8, Jack is mentioned as finishing and then pulling out, and this time the first thing is just mentioned. I doubt he's being very careful, and Arianna might wind up pregnant from this- or from Roger. Anyway, great work on this latest chapter. I will continue reading this story.

It took me a long time to get to reading this, but great work on this chapter. Really great work. I want to say that I read 1-7 and then 8-9, and I am amazed at how well you understand and depict the 1990 movie's characters. Jack is exactly as you write him. He's doing pretty much exactly what I'd expect him to do in these situations you present. Jack *almost* got laid a couple times already and with things going this way, I figured he'd be getting what he wanted before long. I imagine Jack was pretty pleased with himself to have managed it. And it's interesting that he's a little reluctant but ultimately follows through with his promise to Roger. You depict Roger flawlessly, by the way. Jack may be a hot-headed, arrogant, macho bully, but he isn't Roger, who is remorseless and cold. But Jack is too much of a moral coward to actually break his friendship with Roger and tell him no on anything like this, hence he lets Roger get what he wanted, too.
You did really well writing this chapter, again, I want to say that. Writing quality is excellent, well above the average quality of what you see on this site. How is it that you've taken so cliched and seemingly-unworkable a concept- "girl on the island"- and made it plausible and interesting? I never thought somebody would actually make this work.
Jack doesn't get actual consent any more than Roger does. He just pushes and coaxes and the second he's got the chance, he takes it. Roger was callous and brutal, but you're right in saying what Jack did was effectively rape just as what Roger did was, even if what Roger did was worse.
The personal background you share on this cannot have been easy to share, even if you're doing it anonymously, behind your username. This could not have been an easy chapter to write, yet you did it superbly. This stuff is no joke and you're right that the Jacks out there far more frequently commit rape and sexual assault. Like them, Jack is not interested in waiting to actually hear any kind of "Yes", he's going for it the second he registers he's gotten this close and hasn't heard "No".
I hope you continue this story until its completion, whatever winds up happening in this version of the 1990 LOTF film.

Hey, CocoSushi.

You are so strong. How you overcame that, it's amazing. And choosing to stand up here and letting other girls know... It's just WOW. Many girls think rape would be sexy or hot, but really it's horrible.
Coco, it happened to me too. And ever since that night, I have been tortured with thoughts about it and my guilt. I did not lose my virginity to him, but he- needless to say, I haven't been the same. You're story, it's amazing. I love you writing style. Keep writing and keep standing up for yourself. You are amazing, and every woman has the right to refuse a man.

Loving thoughts,

A Well-Wisher.

I love your story so much and i think it's so brave of you writing chapter eight.

i love ariannas character and love the way you have portrayed her and all the other characters.

i know it has been two years since you last updated and it took you two years to write that last chapter, which again was very brave of you, but is there any chance you would or could continue ariannas story? i've just loved following her along the way and i would love to see where the story goes whether she leaves jacks tribe or gets pregnant or ends up joining jack as she likes having power, i would just love to read it.

thank you and love the story