I have a great idea you could work into the story, you could make all the characters die. I'm pretty sure they want to die now because of your shit storyline and characterisation.

S.H.I.T.

I don't know why people like you write because you suck at this. Maybe you should take a writing class, or you know go to fucking damn school, you prick sucking twat!

Have a fucking great day, you've made me realise something today. You made me realise that people can be horrendous writers and yet, somehow, continue to produce multiple stories.

This seems cool so far. It's cool to see someone else write a story with a female marik since I've only seen a couple of others on the site. I'm wondering; what is the pairing in this?

I love the line, "Yea, you could be her midget older brother." I laughed super hard at that.