love it! i haven't read any slytherin post war fic- their thought on surviving the war!

Very good, both idea and realization.

No grammatical errors leapt out at me, which puts you above 90-95% of all fanfiction writers. Such errors are distracting and throw me out of the story. Repeated errors render the narrative choppy (arrhythmic) and much less enjoyable.

BTW, congratulations for being the _only_ fanfiction writer (of dozens I've read) that knows the Scots accent is a burr not a brogue.

"...Joshua and San..." I'm betting San should probably be Sam?

This was a really cool look into a Slytherin we know next to nothing about and I really like the back story and everything you've made up for her.

It was nice to see, even though her life didn't start easy, it didn't become worse with the introduction of a stepfather and in fact seemed to improve because of him.

The way she conformed to Slytherin and started out as such a good friend with Pansy was nice and I liked how you included in this Snape making up a backstory for her parentage to save her from any strife that would come with being the daughter of a muggleborn witch and wizard of undetermined background.

I also quite liked how she came to decide she wanted to fight for Dumbledore's side, it did a nice job os showing what she cares about when she lets him know it's because she's afraid for the children - her brothers included.

It was neat that even after the battle, after everything she'd done to prove she was a part of the lights' cause, she still got a wand pointed in her face for being nothing more than a Slytherin. I think it did a really good job of showing just how on edge everyone was and how deep prejudices run.

I was quite happy to see that she decided to go back to Hogwarts after everything and from the looks of it, she's happy more or less, despite the trouble that might come.

What a great story! It was gritty and realistic, and I loved reading from the perspective of such an obscure character. Very well done!

Wow. I'm blown away. This really is a brilliant perspective of the type of student who never got any attention from Rowling. Thanks for giving it to us!

Hi! This is RenaElaine from the review game, lets jump right in.

Character: I really like how you chose to use a character that J.K. Rowling already created as the main character. It gave you the ability to take some liberty in developing her while still remaining true to the canon, it also provided interesting interactions with the other characters.

Writing: Of all the sections I want to bring up this was the weakest, you are a technically strong writer with good description and a large vocabulary. These are all good things, but you do have to be careful. The meanings of some sentences can be deluded with the use of complex sentence forms and make me feel the need to reread them for clarification; this also applies to complex descriptions and comparisons. You should also be aware of run-on sentences, for the most part I could tell you made an effort to prevent them, but there were still a few such sentences. I was impressed by your ability to use semi-colon's to maintain proper grammar, it seems so rare any one does, but in the paragraph starting, " She took some comfort standing shoulder to shoulder with her friends ..." You use semi-colon's three sentences in a row, that seems a bit excessive. On the positive side, you successfully used writing techniques to create effects and a tone that carried well throughout the piece. I also applaud you for making me look up a few words.

Plot: Having knowledge of the canon material myself, I really appreciated the little details you put in, they made it seem a very realistic and logical storyline. To see Gryffindor's from the Slytherin side is really an intriguing experience and is made more so by authenticity you do it with.

Opening: By throwing the reader directly into a battle, you hook us immediately. We automatically want to know what's happening and how she ended up in such a chaotic situation.

Overall, this was a very well-written and interesting story and one of the better ones I have read. The Harry Potter fandom is in need of more stories like this, showing emotion, realism, and maturity.

A long read :D But you always managed to keep the readers attention which is important at such a long piece :) Well written!
The whole story line is very logical, she did choose against Voldi but still remains a Slytherin in the end, a good point!
I really liked the way you described the battle, very graphic! Additionally I think it is very good that you gave some important background story on Tracey so it is obvious why a Slytherin would choose the side of Harry! There is nothing important that was left open and I had to smile at the end "maybe some things will never change" :D

First off, I liked you summary - sometimes getting readers to be interested in a little known character can be daunting, but your interesting summary, especially the quote based on Phineas' words, was very attractive. DId you get the idea for your title from A Study in Scarlet?

The storyline is intriguing, and well-developed. Tracey as a spy? I also like how you've shown that Dumbledore treats the Slytherins with a certain amount of disdain, it's very clear he would never treat the Gryffindors that way! Also, the Slytherin mentality is clear - they know exactly how Gryffindors would assume things and act, without stopping to think; and Tracey uses that to her advantage.

Your use of imagery is lovely - the water drops, the butterfly clips, the air feeling more alive, Kevin singing Natalie Imbruglia. It softens the fast tone set by the battle in the body of the story. It's also interesting that you've made Tracey part Caribbean - and haha, I can just imagine ol' Snape confirming the rumours!

All things considered, it was a great read. I liked the litle touch of bringing in Zabini at the end. I've really no criticism to make, except that I wish you would've given Pansy Parkinson a figuarative punch in the face :P Well done!

I'm a sucker for introspective pieces, and it's always interesting to see what kind of backstory people come up with for minor characters.

You've really fleshed Tracey out, and given her a fully-realized backstory and complex emotions. Her interactions with the other students feel natural, like the way teenagers would actually talk to each other.

Tracey's way of getting Dumbledore's attention was certainly interesting... lol.

You had some awkward wording in a few places ("she throws out names one after one" would read better as "one after another"), but your grammar was fine for the most part.

First I have to tell you that I think I am in love with this story. I love it when people write about the minor characters (like me and my Viola Runcorn) and just the way you wrote this was simply perfect. Its nice to see that not all of the Slytherins had ran when the war at Hogwarts started. The part toward the beginning about Snape confirming the rumor about her father was sweet, half-blood to half-blood sort of deal.

Now I can't give criticism, so it was hard to find something that I didn't particularly like... The only thing that I noticed that was off, was when you wrote the part about Snape leading them to their dorms back in first year, shouldn't have it been a prefect? Like Percy was the one that told all of the first years about Gryffindor house? The Slytherin prefect (according to pottermore) was Gemma Farley.

In all this is a great story!

I love how you just throw us into the story. Tracey instantly feels as if she belongs here. You capture the flow of battle very well. I especially like [There is only now, and now, and another now.] That’s just perfect. I love that bit about the area where the wand was stored seemed more alive somehow. Also you do a good job with present tense, which can be difficult to write in.

I’m wondering if her father left or if he’s dead? It seems like he left or else she would’ve told her friends that was why he couldn’t come pick her up (before Kevin of course). OR IS HE IN AZKABAN?!

I really do love the camaraderie that’s in the Slytherin house because if you’re good enough to be there then that half of your blood must’ve been fabulous enough to make up for the unfortunate Muggle half. I also enjoyed how you portrayed Slytherin’s as needing to be well-versed in intrigue, politics, and other things you would not expect children to do. The way she contrasts it with Gryffindor’s blunt acknowledgment of everything worked well. It is a good explanation for why Harry fell into the trap set by Voldemort that got Sirius killed.

She’s a clever girl to get detention as a reason to talk to Dumbledore, her spy efforts, and her disdain for the very ordinary Potter. All in all, I liked her. Though if I had met her outside of her POV I probably would not have as much, so that was a good choice to go with.

Grammar Time:
[There are people everywhere, crammed into the corridors, and she weaves through them…] This part is a little awkward. I feel like you should’ve listed a few more places where people were or else left that [crammed into corridors] bit off entirely.

[made from of old, dyed sheets;] You need to omit either from or of.

[to watch the swell and fall drops of water] missing an of between fall and drops.

Hold on, so her mother doesn’t know she can manipulate the water? But shouldn’t she? After all, if her mother is magical, wouldn’t Tracey show this off to her as another way to connect to her mother? (Or is she too busy…?)

[and the little bit of forest, where] no comma needed (it disrupts the flow)

[tilted his head upwards to look at her, beneath the funny hat] no comma needed here, either (for the same reason)

[she has ben expecting] been

[semi-d] what?

Man, I thought I'd reviewed this before! Me and my scatterbrain...

I didn't see any mistakes someone else didn't point out already in their reviews, and I agree with them on every point!

I loved the way you used such a little known about character and make her seem real. The use of words had my mouth hanging open, and the description wasn't too shabby to say the least!

I know this isn't half as good as the other reviews you've gotten, and I wish I could say more, but honestly I'm kind of speechless at the moment and I also need to be off soon.

Thanks for putting this up! If you can't tell, I freakin love this thing! :D

I am reviewing this story for the showcase, since I already reviewed #23, I have a choice between your stories, and this one looks awesome, moreso than a couple I do not ship.

Typos (I always start my reviews this way, words in capitals are ones to be corrected): "Carrow's SISTER Amycus comes for her," I'm pretty sure it should be sister, since you just referred to the other Carrow as a perv looking up girls' skirts; "another stunner" (stunner shouldn't be capitalized, it would be if you said stupefy); "read them stories; if it wasn't" (semicolon, lowercase letter); "prepare her daughter for what AWAITED her at Hogwarts"; "third year she SPENT a whole month"; "and sixth year, she READ The Daily" (anything but took, that doesn't make sense); "She could see all the little betrayals to come clearly, stretching indefinitely into the future like pearls on a string." (something in this sentence, in the realm of "to come clearly", makes no sense); "she said BOLDLY, not bothering to"; "and she THOUGHT she saw a brief"; "if anyone WAS STILL reading, but"; "every bit of energy she HAD LEFT into her haughty"; "in the SCRUM to get out of the Great" (scrum isn't a word); "an ARSE'S roar of becoming" (you were so british the whole way, but this was one slip up. Also, I get it, I'm American too.).

I really hope you're not offended by all those typos I pointed out, because that was perfect, and I'm about to compliment you for ages.

That was FANTASTIC. I loved every single bit of that. There is not one thing about this piece that is not remotely perfect. Where do I even start?

I guess I could start with the fact that I learned more vocabulary in this story than in english for the past three years. For as much typo crap I gave you, there was one word per typo I had to look up in this story. Your language and diction were so diverse and interesting and FLAWLESS, it portrayed exactly what you wanted it to so easily.

Language in general, not just words, was beautiful in this. Your story flowed so wonderfully, with the metaphors and figurative language that you used. The format, as well, present to past to present to future, was perfect for what you were trying to convey.

And then there's the story in itself: the plot, the title, the fact that you took a character in her NOTES, and literally just made her one of my favorites in the entire series. Like, where on earth did you come up with this? Tracey Davis is this amazing, strong, character who has flaws but who is secure in herself, and characterization for the others were perfect.

I just... I really don't know what else to say. While I was reading, I was like "I'm going to tell her about this and that and how I loved this and that" and now I can't remember any of it because I am in a state of afterglow after reading perfect writing.

Great job. Not much else to say, really.

That was absolutely fantastic! I apologize for not reading the fic that you wanted read, but I'm a Drastoria shipper at hear and couldn't do it :). Anyway, on to the review.

First off, very small, but I loved the title. It really fit the basic idea that of this story: look at the Slytherin side of this story and understand it.

Second, your writing style is very distinctive. You have a say of describing single moments in a stretched out way that particularly fit this peice. Very well done.

Third, I loved your characterization of Tracey. The fandom idea of her is usually a flighty, pureblood girl that doesn't think at all, and that's not what you did. Tracey was a great narrator.

Fourth, your description of Harry made me laugh more then it should have :). "Tracey thought his chief recommendation was his extraordinary luck." "Was the same scrawny boy she used to have Double Potions with." I love seeing a different perspective.

In short, I really enjoyed this piece. The Slytherins always fascinate me, and I loved this perspective. You did a wonderful job with description and dialogue. Wonderful, wonderful work with the story. Great work!

good