Just read through this and, once again, have to admire your creativity in establishing storyline. It was nice having a little bit more time to see Hermione and Snape's relationship develop. Although I really hated Avery, and couldn't wait for Hermione to get out of there. The last chapter, showing the two of them in action after two years, was excellent. I really can see the two of them together the way you write it.

I read one of your Dramione fics yesterday and decided to check out your others, only to find you had stories featuring my OTP! I love love love Snanger, and this truly amazing!

This was totally lovely. The humanity behind it - oh, you wrote it; you know how brilliant it is!

Great story - really enjoyed the interaction between the characters!

Loved it. The dynamics btw. Hermione and Severus was delightful to watch and it was a nice change to their usual characterizations.

So wonderful! I enjoyed every word. Loved the stab at the American accent! I've always found the Southern accent the most painful to endure - which is why I've worked hard to eliminate any traces of my Tennessee-aquired one. I love how you made Hermione the badass of the trio and settled the boys down. Truly delightful! Thank you!

Loved this story with an interesting setting and a marvelous characterization of Severus and Hermione!

*straight to my favorites*

Well, isn’t this a piece of heavenly drama and mystery! At first, I was surprised that Hermione had been consorting with the likes of Avery, and even more confused as to why she was living in a trailer with him. I assumed they were dating for some strange reason, but being his sister made more sense. Not sure if there’s any canon mentions of a sibling of his, but I can imagine Avery behaving violently. Given that he’s now mingling with Muggles (an unthinkable thing to do for your average Pureblood), he seems a little more than just irked.

[“There was nothing well-meaning strangers could do for her (…)”] Despite this odd situation, I’m glad that Hermione at least keeps a rational mind. I don’t think many people would be able to do so. There’s just something so sad about it; it’s as if she’s resigned and defeated for whatever reason.

[“(…) he was mercurial enough that she couldn’t be absolutely sure (…)”]
[“(…) reverse psychology had to be ruled out too.”]
Interesting choice of words. What I find even more fascinating is how you’re portraying Avery as a mix of canon and your own interpretation; we know little of what happened and can only wonder about the back story of this odd couple. Hermione’s also the smart one, as usual. I felt many upsurges of pity for her while reading this chapter. While I’m not sure why she’s “humbling” herself as Avery’s sister (and what a twist it is), it’s a very dire situation that must take a lot of effort and sleepless nights. As Hermione muses, “she can’t relax” even when Avery’s sleeping soundly.

This partner business sounded like disaster waiting to be unleashed. Avery’s really gone a long way down if he’s joining forces with a con-artist, and to top, a Muggle. Once again, Hermione plays the passive one, which only shows how manipulative she can be.

Wondering just how Snape’s alive. The Polyjuice potion twist was unexpected but makes sense; I honestly thought Avery knew about Hermione and was playing along for some other reason. It seems I was mistaken. Kudos for your ability to surprise readers in astonishing ways :3

It shouldn’t be left unsaid that Hermione’s confession to Snape was one of the high points in this chapter. I chuckled all the way through their conversation.

Overall, this was a very good chapter. I was quite pleased with how the plot progressed and how the characters never stopped surprising me.

Your prose was also wonderful and I couldn’t find much to comment, except on a few personal preferences regarding dialogue and description. Good job :3

Interesting beginning; despite how it starts in the middle of a train of thought, you still set up the new chapter very well. A good use of in medias res in the middle of a story. :D And a nice element of humour mixed in with all that seriousness as well.

And it does make for an amusing phone conversation, particularly the rank pulling. Reminds me of a lot of FMA fics I've read.

"you will come up with..." I'd recommend italicising the you or using "you're" instead; it sounds a little odd otherwise.

"...repulsed at being used to reassure Harry Potter" *enjoys a mental giggle* This is really too amusing; it's a little hard to hold on to the seriousness by the end of it. The argument Hermione's won seems more like an argument between friends by halfway through the chapter, so it's a very dramatic contrast to the scene that follows it. A bit dramatic emotional wise for a reader to transit straight in to. The humour in the first half really was entertaining, but maybe tone it down a little to make it flow better? Or add a buffer in between?

I love the end of that scene; there's some gorgeous images in there, particularly the "quick stab of desolation", though I felt the burning desire at the beginning seemed rather out of place, particularly since nothing really seemed to happen with it. The carefulness Snape exhibits is a really neat way to describe Hermione's injuries better; nice use of the scene and events to give a little more description. :D I love descriptions, so I'll leave this chapter with that happy note.

I ate this up. Great story. Novel premise, excellent action, and just overall awesomeness.

Haha, I like the last line of this story. Overall, I have to say that you have a really, really great writing style, especially at the beginning of this chapter with the sentence about her beginning to wonder if she was a complete idiot.

I was pretty confused for a lot of this chapter, but I'm betting that was your goal. I kept trying to figure out what the relationship between Hermione and Avery was, so I'm glad we got to find out at least some piece of information relating to that by the end of the chapter. (I guessed that they were a couple at first based on her referring to him as 'dear').

Anyway, very nice start!

I love how you set up the scene in those first few paragraphs; you show the physical scene, Hermione's mental state and the situation all into one and none of those overdone. The return to Lucinda's life is also very nicely shown, particularly the more subtle changes that take place within Hermione, as opposed to the obvious Polyjuice one. Snape comes out almost adorable this, picking up on Hermione's feelings and trying to help in his own way.

The mention of Alcatraz was a very nice tidbit of history as well, particularly its likeliness to Azkaban. Using it in a magical setting as opposed to the muggle equivalent was unique and clever, particularly how you weave it so effortlessly into the rest of the build up about American wizarding society.

And Hermione has found a new mystery to chase, lol. I wonder if she'd way off this time though, just looking for an opportunity to look towards Snape more.

Avery getting himself arrested is a very interesting scene, particularly the difficulties associated with bailing him out. And yet they can't just take the easy route because they're still lacking evidence.

"once, before the..." this paragraph doesn't flow into your story as well as your other info tidbits. It feels a little out of place, even if the background is interesting.

Amusing comment about Ron. Haven't heard about him for awhile. And the little humane side of Avery was simply lovely. The discussion between Hermione and Snape at the end was, in contrast, a little anticlimactic, but the themes it brought out were very interesting.

The things that Hermione is wiling to do for her idea of the "greater good".
I can't imagine why she needs to pretend to be a Death Eater in America, hiding out with her drunken brother, but as stated, to her it had seemed she ends up at the Ministry later, maybe she's a sanctioned agent, though it doesn't appear that Avery is doing anything for the Cause.
Nor does Hermione seem to be doing anything but maintaining her Lucinda Avery identity. I could understand Bertie's wanting her opinion if he'd known who she was but in light of his regard for his soaps- watching sister who doesn't keep a distant trailer, that's a little surprising.
I'm looking forward to the reveal of
all of that.
I love Snape wearing a Niagara Falls t-shirt and his hair tired back like any other aging and Hermione were truly intellectual equals and away from Hogwarts politics, they might be able to appreciate each other as such.
The phrase cut-glass vowels is just wonderful- an unexpected word choice that gives a perfect description.

The first sentence sets up a gorgeous image, though I don't think "than usual" is really necessary - it's already implied with the "even more devoid". I also love the idea of "Hermione being reduced"; it makes for an interesting image, both physically and metaphorically representing her current situation. You do jump around characters in that first paragraph: starting with the heat, then Hermione, then Avery; I'd recommend splitting the paragraph when Avery starts dominating; the transition isn't smooth enough for it to be in the same paragraph I think.

I love the description of Snape ou have here, especially the little things you pick up about him like the greasy hair and pale skin. His wistful expression is also an interesting one.

["Nice amount. Not too much, but still more money than he's seen for a good while," she mused out loud...] - this is more a personal thing, but I disagree with having a speaker tag following a fullstop in a dialogue. To me it just sounds strange, as opposed to "Nice amount," she mused out loud, 'Not too much, but..."

An interesting development in trying to corner Avery as well. The relationship between the two siblings and between them and Malfoy is an interesting one as well. The difference between lying and witholding information is also an interesting one here; it's turning out to be quite problematic for Hermione. :D

The discussion that twists to Snape's death eater days seems a little childish to me. Just those few lines where Hermione's arguing she's not a child and Snape's saying he is the big bad death eater. It might work better if it was, say Harry or Ron, but somehow it doesn't seem to suit the Hermione/Snape discussion.

The extra information about Lucinda was quite interesting as well; somehow, she came out a little less meek than I expected, which is good considering she had little qualms in selling her brother out. The development in that last scene was quite amusing as well: the little misshap with the lipstick (never wore lipstick, even if my cousin's been trying to get me to try it on), to the more serious matters like the real Hermione and the Hermone impersonating Lucinda. The ending was a lovely one as well: it shows how much Hermione has grown since her time at Hogwarts.

I really loved this - the pair of them are as boneheaded as each other and make a perfect match!