When I wake up, the document is flashing, and the computer is beeping at me. It's kind of like when you're instant messaging someone and then you minimize the window and they finally reply, and the window flashes and sometimes the computer beeps at you if you set it to do that.

I click on it, attuned and well-trained by about a year of ineptly instant messaging. The file opens, as it usually does – I mean, usually, the file opens, and doesn't crash your system.

So the file opens, and I scroll to the bottom. God wrote me back.

Past my long memoir thingy, there's a note from God. To wit:

" . You're a neat person, Harry. I like you. Maybe I won't kill you.

"Ha ha. I'm kidding, Harry. . I like you. Write me back. Sorry. G T G! ."

After this, God added a postscript.

"B T W … get started on that novel soon! Time is ticking, Harry! ."

Oh fuck.

God is yelling at me.

I burst out laughing. Normally, you know, God just goes straight for the "smite" button or lets you off. God does not send you the equivalent of an instant message with kitty smileys and internet slang scattered throughout warning you to straighten up and fly right.

A new line of text appears and I stop laughing.

"I'm not kidding, Harry. Don't make me give you incentives."

Oh, that sounds bad.

"No, really. Get going. Now."

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

I don't have any ideas.

"Yes, you do," she types back.

No, I don't.

"Yes, you do." she types.

I sigh.

"Oh, fine," she says. "Just you wait."

Suddenly, Batman. Followed by Spider-Man, Superman, and most of the X-Men.

They leave, and I'm thinking: what the hell was that?

"Not the worst I can do," she types back.

And then oh my God.