Chapter 3 – War and Peace
Peace was subjective. Jason learned this.
To the Quartermaines, peace was every member of their dysfunctional family falling in line (or something resembling a line because they'd probably start fighting each other for first place). To the cops, peace was no criminals on the street (which Jason thought was stupid because there were always criminals on the street but he long ago learned that cops were stupid, too). To Robin, peace was sweet kisses and hands without blood (sometimes he hated her for not being there and other times he hated himself for wanting her to just live with it.) Mike…peace for Mike probably meant enough money in his bank account to keep his debts paid and avoid physical beatings (which meant he never was, and probably never would be, at peace).
Peace for Sonny…for Luke…for Joseph…probably for Harry Silver, too (even if he did hate comparing himself to that traitor)…peace for Jason…for them, peace wasn't really peace it all…
Peace was starting up a car and living to see the next second. Peace was the feel of cold metal in the small of your back. Peace was bulletproof windows and guards at the door. Most of all, peace was fighting or waiting for a fight every second of every day, guarding what you have, protecting what you love, and always being willing to do what needs to be done…
Peace was war.
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{Jason hands didn't shake. They couldn't. He had to have perfect aim. He had to hit his target because Sonny was in there and Sonny was counting on him…}
"Are you sure?" Jason had asked.
Sonny stared at him and, for a second, Jason was sure he'd take it back. He'd say that Jason wasn't good enough yet and Jason would listen to him because this was Sonny. Sonny spoke; "I'm sure."
Jason nodded, slowly, "I won't let you down."
Sonny swallowed. "I know."
Sonny felt guilty. Jason knew he did. He could see it in his eyes the first time he watched Jason pull the trigger. He didn't stop him, though. Jason was grateful. He liked this. In the hospital, all you had was the feel of the sheets, the smell of the medicine, and thinking you're ten types of useless because they say you're damaged and you can't even stand up and prove them wrong. Jason liked the feel of metal. He liked the smell of gunpowder. He liked being good at something, something that gave him a measure of control.
{So, Jason did what he was good at and he looked through the scope….}
Robin saw the blood on his hands. It was an accident. She knew he'd hide out at the boxcar and she went to find him. Help him or stop him; Jason didn't know which. She got there at a bad time.
She saw him washing it off and froze. "Jason…"
He looked up at her.
"Jason, what did you do?"
He didn't like to think about the argument after. He didn't like to think about the crying and when she turned her back and left; first the boxcar, then Port Charles. "I did what I had to do," he had said but she shook her head.
"You're doing what you want to do, Jason."
"What's the difference?" When she didn't seem to understand, he continued. "If what I want to do means there are other things that I have to do, then what's the difference?"
Her voice got higher. "What's the difference? This isn't like homework. It's not something that you can just do because you have to do it. These are people and they're paying for what you want! Don't you see this is wrong?"
Jason hated that word; wrong. It went beside the word 'right'. Jason hated that word too because, as far as he could tell, nobody knew what it meant. He asked about wrong and right and they didn't tell him the meaning. They told him what they thought was wrong and what they thought was right. "I don't understand," he said.
{He could see their shadows moving across the room. It was Sonny's job to get him into position…}
"People are hypocrites," Luke told him once. "In my oh-so-humble opinion, the Quartermaines? They're always wrong."
Mike laughed from beside him. "And in Luke Spencer's oh-so-humble opinion, he's always right."
"Like I said, people are hypocrites." He talked around the cigar in his mouth. "I'm 'people', ain't I?"
"There's nothing wrong with being a hypocrite?" Jason asked.
"There's nothing wrong with being whatever the hell it is you want to be," Luke corrected. "Live it, love it, don't freaking whine about it."
Mike said "Out of the mouth of the great philosopher."
"Amen."
Jason laughed.
{He moved in front of the window, right into the target…}
"I can make a choice," Jason said once.
"I can say this is what I want."
"This is the life I want to have."
"This is right."
{Jason pulled the trigger.}
What do you think?