Aprons and Tree Lights

It had been a mere hour since Charlie had come through the looking glass with Hatter. Only a mere hour since he'd walked through the door and gazed upon the home they built. A mere hour since Hatter had thoroughly explained his brilliant plan, and pulled out a stack of these strangely flimsy books that Hatter called "magazines". Just an hour. But looking back on the hour Charlie couldn't really understand how everything had become a mess. He was standing in the kitchen with a dainty blue apron tied around his waist, and a wooden spoon in his hand. He still couldn't figure out this blasted sugar cookie recipe. And what the bloody hell was unsalted butter? Could butter be unsalted? That didn't even make sense. How in God's name could butter be unsalted? Charlie jumped audibly as a loud beeping protruded from the think Hatter kept calling an oven. "What the devil," Charlie said looking at the oven as it continued to beep loudly at him. "Hatter, that thing is making that bloody noise again!"

"Charlie take the bloody cookies ou' before they burn! I can' come help you," Hatter was wrestling with the Christmas lights in the living room, and currently couldn't even move his feet. The noise in the kitchen sounded like it was just getting louder, and Hatter groaned loudly. Charlie pulled one of those quilted mitt things over his hand, and pulled the tray of cookie from the oven. Looking at them, and comparing them to the picture in one of the magazines laid in the middle of the mess on the counter, he saw that they were not the same color. No, the cookies he had just pulled from the oven were a dark brownish color instead of the beautiful golden brown in the picture.

"Hatter they do not look like the pictures, what should I do?"

A small creaking noise came from near the door, and Charlie peaked out of the kitchen. As the door creaked the rest of the way they both stopped dead, their faces more than slightly guilty. Alice's eyes went wide at the sight she beheld upon opening the door to her and Hatter's apartment. There stood Hatter wrapped up in a string of colorful Christmas lights, that were lit by the way. And Charlie was peaking through the kitchen doorway a pale blue apron tied around his waist, and a tray of burnt cookies in his hand. "What is going on," Alice practically roared her face growing angry before Hatter could even untangle himself from the rope of lights to get to her and keep her from having a panic attack.

"Well, the Harbinger said he wanted to surprise you with this Christmas thing. He came to wonderland and asked me to help. You know Alice, I couldn't deny him, I just want to see you smile. I mean really who'd have known that everything would go so terribly awry. I had no idea. And he set me up in the room with that Futon thing. That thing that sounds like something you'd eat. I haven't gotten to so much as sit on it yet though, because he put me right to work on these cookies things. I really must say that Martha woman has some very complicated recipes. Unsalted butter and all that. Not to mention she doesn't give you a specific time to put these blasted cookies in. It's fifteen to seventeen minutes, and I really don't know what that means. Why can't she just specify," Charlie was rambling on and on, and Alice was ignoring him. She was glaring harshly at Hatter who was still wrapped up in the brightly colored Christmas lights, his eyes wide.

"Hatter what is the meaning of this," She said cutting off Charlie's sputtering. Her eyes were trained on him, to which Hatter was actually glad. Sure she looked completely and utterly infuriated, but so long as she wasn't looking at the mess that was their apartment he thought they'd be alright.

"We're tryin' ta make Christmas," Hatter's voice broke a little in confusion, and panic. He had to get her to be happy about this, and not punish him. Albert, he didn't want to be punished by Alice. The woman had a mean punch, and could go without sex for weeks if she so chose. That'd just kill him. He groaned inwardly at the mere thought of it. However, in a second she scoffed, rolled her eyes in annoyance and moved forward to help unwrap him from the lights.

"While you two clean up you can explain yourselves," Alice said annoyed. She finished freeing Hatter from the lights, and took up residence at the cluttered kitchen table. She tapped her fingers along the lacquered wood and waited impatiently for the explanation.

"Well it started with the gingerbread," Hatter said hesitantly as he carefully wrapped the lights around the tree with all the diligence of a... well a hat maker. Alice waited while he gulped back his uncomfort.

"I'm really not a fan of gingerbread," Charlie said glaring at the two gingerbread houses on the kitchen table. Alice's eyes finally fell on them, and she choked back a laugh. They were gloppy, and crooked, and completely devoid of gumdrops. "You see Hatter got these two gingerbread kits. Well first off my wall was broken, so I had to use the icing to piece if back together. Then the icing started getting hard, so we added water. And well someone added too much water, making the icing gloppy. So the roof slid off it. Then we tried to prop it up with those little sticks, and that didn't work."

"Don' forge' ta mention that ya ate all the gumdrops," Hatter said with a grumble continuing his ministrations with the lights. "And the reason there was too much water was tha' ya knocked my arm while I was addin' it into the icin'. Stop tellim' the story as ya are and makin' yourself into the hero."

"I'm a knight," Charlie said with a slight grumbling sitting the tray of over baked cookies on the counter. "Anyways, as you can see they are quite the mess. As I said, I really don't like gingerbread. I tried a piece," he pointed to a bite mark out of one of the pieces for the roof. Alice bit her lip to withhold another giggle, it was taking all her effort to stay mad at these two. After all, look at her apartment! There was icing everywhere, on the floor, on the walls, on the ceiling. Her couch was covered in sparkles. There were pine needles all underneath the tree from Hatter fussing with it. Alice didn't dare look in the kitchen at the aftermath of Charlie. "It's not tasty in the least, not tasty. I rather prefer butter cookie and all spice pastries. Oh how I wish I had a good recipe for some Wonderland cookies. Now that would be a real treat would it not?"

Alice put up a hand to quiet him. "So how did icing end up....everywhere?"

"Oh tha' was Charlie entirely," Hatter said biting back a smirk as he threw the other man under the figurative Jabberwock. "Ya see my Alice, dear, Charlie tried ta sword fight me with the knife while we tried to icin' the blasted things. So ya see the icin' ended up flung all over the place. I told ya she'd be angry. Bu' no, ya never did listen did ya Charlie? Now would ya look at this place, we'll be cleanin' sugar off the walls for ages." Hatter shook his head sorrowfully and went back to work.

"Sword fighting with butter knives," Alice asked still keeping her eyes angry. She didn't want Hatter to think he'd gotten off so easily. He was going to be punished for this. He'd made a right mess of this place, and he'd have to be taught a lesson for it.

"Seemed like a good idea at the time," Charlie shrugged. "I haven't had a sparing partner in near a century. I am a knight, you know. I have to keep up my skills. Otherwise who knows what will become of me. Likely I should waste away in some barren land of laziness. Or be eaten by a Jabberwock. Or dare I say it, worse. Your harbinger was quite the spar partner, might I add."

"I bea' ya solidly," Hatter cut him off before the rambling became any longer. Likely they'd never get through the summary of the events of the past hour if Charlie were left to it. The man was mad as a box of frogs he was, especially when it came to telling stories. The man could spin a tale a mile long without so much as a gasp for breath. However, the accusation that Hatter had beat him sent the old man gaping and sputtering like a fish out of water.

"And what about that," She asked pointing to the ceiling littered in what looked to be mistletoe that had been duct taped to it.

"Well Charlie found this interes-"

"It's for kissing," Charlie announced excitedly. "It's mistletoe, or something like that. Your Harbinger very nearly wet his breeches at the mere mention that such a plant existed with the magical power of making people kiss. I did not know that you even had magical things like that here. We surely do not have anything of the sort in Wonderland. Well we do have that one plant, but that's more of a makes you stink sort of thing. In fact it makes you stink so badly that no one will be near you at all, much less kiss you."

Hatter blushed slightly, but didn't look up from where he was diligently decorating the tree. He had finally gotten the different colored lights wrapped around it, and had moved on to throwing tinsel on the branches. Alice couldn't help but notice that he applied the tinsel very liberally. "So what about the cookies?"

"Well this Martha woman Harbinger thinks is the expert on Christmas has several cookie recipes in her mazagine," Alice didn't miss how he miss-pronounced magazine, but she didn't bother correcting him. "Anyways I tried my damndest to follow her recipes, but as you can see," he gestured to the stacks of burnt cookies piled on her kitchen counters amongest the flour and the dough and the icing. "I haven't been able to make a single cookie that looks like her's do. She must just have a magical talent for making cookies." It was then Alice finally succumbed to the giggled threatening to break through. Giggle broke into chuckles. And chuckles broke into all out uproarious laughter. Meanwhile the two men just stood there staring at her like she'd gone perfectly mad.