(Remember, no beta.)

A positive anything is better than a negative nothing. ~ JerryMcGuire

I thought it would be awkward waking up with Edward Cullen in my bedroom.

But it wasn't, not at all.

It was as if it happened everyday. It was so easy and it felt, I don't know, real somehow? Like it was this totally natural thing.

I didn't get much sleep, not that I'm complaining because I spent half the night gazing at his face. His sharp angles illuminated and highlighted by the light filtering in through the window from the bright moon. His features so defining and masculine.

Edward is just so pretty and boyish and manly all at the same time. I have to admit—time wasted just looking at him—is time well spent. I've always known Edward was a good looking guy—hell, everybody knows that. But after the hours I spent staring, and the hours we spent talking, and the days we've spent getting to know each other—he's so much more than just a handsome face.

He's gorgeous. He's caring. He's understanding. He's kinda the full package.

And he's here, with me, in my bedroom.

Befriending me.

Me.

He's sharing his secrets with me and listening without judgement to the ugly parts of my life.

The lesser half of the night I spent awake lost in my own thoughts. Never before have I questioned why things have happened the way they have in my life. I've always just rolled with the punches. My parents, my friends, my social status... everything. I've never examined it.

But last night, I couldn't stop.

It is as if nothing makes sense any longer and nothing is how it should be. I don't feel sorry for myself, or for Edward even, but I don't feel so content anymore.

I'm not so oblivious as before.

I can't say that I like it.

Maybe it's because my eyes are finally opening up more and more to everything around me.

I remember when I was younger, there was this lady who used to watch me when my mother worked. She would say crazy things to me all the time. Most of the time I thought she had split personalities, she would rattle off on some tangent and I would try my best to ignore her, but there was this one thing she used to repeat that has always stuck with me.

She said that someday soon enough I was going to grow up and see the the world through adult eyes. She told me that one day it would just smack me right in the face and I'd see everything different and the same, worse and better, all at the same time. That I'd be confused and scared and excited and anxious. That I'd just know, and my chest might feel tight, and my shoulders might feel burdened, but not to let it weigh me down or trip me up. That I'd have to fight to prevail.

She warned the world is cold and ugly and I'd have to diligently seek out the warmth and the joy.

She said that happiness was so easy to find if you'd just keep your eyes open and look for it, that happy sometimes hid right around the corner waiting on me and that if I'd find it, grab it, and hold it close, I could keep it and carry it around with me forever.

Yes, a few times I looked for 'happy' not understanding it wasn't a physical thing. But now I think that day has really come. I've matured more in the past few days than I have in years. I know now that happy is a state of mind, it's knowing what I want and realizing what I don't. Happy is pushing through the bad and finding the good. Happy is acceptance and smiles and hope. Happy is me being me without judgments, without hate, without prejudice.

So now the question is, have I found happy?

I can't say for sure. I know that everything isn't so black and white like I'd always presumed. I mean, I freakin' spent the night with Edward Cullen! The Edward Cullen. We spent the night—alone, just talking... and it was so nice and enjoyable that I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

But my friends—my other friends—they would shit their pants if I told them how my spent my night. Theywould be the judgemental ones.

Not black. Nor white.

So where do I go from here?

The only thing I can think of is to keep straddling the fence, not do anything crazy. Keep trudging forward like I am and I'll be free from this hell before too long.

Then none of this bullshit will matter.

... *lg* …

She wakes me with a push of my shoulder.

"Time to get up, sleepy head and by the way, you sound like a bear when you snore. A big, fat bear." She laughs and turns to walks away. "Bathroom is all yours, come on down to the kitchen after you're ready."

I rub my eyes as she leaves the bedroom and I exhale the breath that I'd been holding.

So last night really did happen.

It was one of the easiest things ever to talk to Bella. It felt good to finally expel the shit storm that is my life. For so long I've hid everything away from everyone. Time after time I effortlessly slip into that roll that my peers cast me in and there I tend to stay. I keep busy, I put up a front, and no one knows a damn thing about me—the real me.

That is until now.

It's a bit of weight off my shoulders, lifted and discarded. Shared and not so heavy.

Yet I feel like I'm on a teeter-totter. I'll leave her house and Bella being my friend will be like another secret of my life I hide. No one will even know.

Then what about in a couple of weeks when school starts? Am I supposed to go about my school day pretending to not know her? Act like she's still my enemy? That she's somehow beneath me and my other friends? Just forget that we don't click like we do?

I don't know if I have it in me.

... *lg* …

After a short lecture, it's field trip time at traffic school. I eagerly welcome the escape of that stuffy classroom.

Edward and I didn't talk on way here, instead he turned the music up loud and we jammed the short drive.

I'm glad it's like this. That it's not strange or awkward between us.

Too bad it won't last much longer.

... *lg* …

The bus rumbles down the freeway bouncing more often than not. We're on our way to go and watch a demonstration of how the fireman and the EMTs respond and handle a car crash emergency .

Lovely.

I remember in early elementary school when we'd go on a field trip, we had to have a buddy. That buddy would be our partner for the entire day. Side by side all day long, that's exactly how it'd been for Bella and I so far today.

We sat together in the classroom, walked the hall together, waited in line together, and now here we sat scrunched up on a old, short school bus side by side. We both had our knees pushed against the seat back in front of us as we talked and laughed about anything and everything.

The bus lurches forward before taking a sharp turn to the right almost slinging us out of our seat.

"Holy shit, this is the bus ride from hell!" Bella grabs onto my forearm to right herself.

"I think we're stopping." I sit up and look out the front window. "Yeah, we're at the food court entrance at the mall."

Bella slowly closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before sitting up and looking for herself.

Her smile is gone and the space around us suddenly seems stuffy and wrong.

"What are you going to eat?" I ask and dismiss the flutter in the depths of my stomach as hunger and not worry.

She shakes her head. "I don't think I want much." She points toward the gas station on the other side of the road. "I'm just going to go buy a bag of chips or a candy bar."

Something's up. I don't like it.

She won't look at me.

"Are you sure?" I try to coax whatever it is out of her.

She nods and stands and slides by me as she talks, "I'm positive, I'll meet you back here, all right?"

Before I have a chance to respond she's already out the door and crossing the parking lot.

Alone.

... *lg* …

I stand in line at Filet O'Chicken trying to figure out what in the hell just happened out there on bus.

It doesn't take long for me to figure it out. As soon as the oversize man in front of me steps up the counter to order, Bella's source of discomfort all but slaps me right in the face.

Leah.

She works here at the food court. Bella didn't want to be seen with me. More importantly, Bella didn't want Leah to see her with me. Us together. Like it's so wrong.

I'm not sure if I'm more hurt or pissed off. This is total bullshit. My hands suddenly ache from the fists I can't seem to stop flexing.

This small betrayal gnaws at my insides like a tiny worm burrowing into the dirt, relentless and determined.

"Hey Bailey, I'm suddenly feeling sick to my stomach, can I take a break?" Leah shouts behind her as I approach the counter. I know she hates me, I get it. I'm not very found of her either. Our history is sort of ...ugly.

"Sorry Leah, give me about five minutes and then I can relieve you." Her coworker responds.

Leah shakes her head. "The source of my sickness should be gone by then but thanks anyway. What do you want, Cullen?"

"Why yes, I am having a wonderful day! Thank you for asking. I'll take a number one, no pickles. With a Dr. Pepper. Please." My sarcasm leaks through my clenched teeth.

"For here or to go?" She doesn't even make eye contact.

Like I care. "To go."

"Thank goodness." She mumbles as she takes the debit card from my hand and swipes it. "What are you doing on this side of town during the day anyway? I thought you spent your days of summer break at Camp IAMADouche?"

Frankly, I'm not in the mood for her smart mouth today. "Just get my order quickly and maybe I won't report your rude-ass attitude to your manager."

I glance up over her shoulder and wink at Heather, her manager. "Hey Heather. You sure are lookin' all tan and slim."

Heather walks up and hands me my bag of food. "Thank you Edward, I haven't seen you around much. Have you been coming to any parties lately?"

I pick up my drink, "No, I've been busy, but I may have to find time if you're going to be there." I dart over and glare at Leah. "I have to go, goodbye Ladies."

"Do that Edward, I'll be lookin' out for ya'." Heather adds as I walk toward the exit.

I have no intention on attending any of the college parties where Heather will be. Those all-nighters kick my ass.

I have other things to do.

... *lg* …

Bella is already seated on the bus when I return. She's staring out the window. An unopened bottle of Snapple and a pack of crackers fill her lap.

She doesn't even know I'm back until I plop down in our seat and the tiny bubble of air trapped in the cushion makes her side of the seat rise.

She quickly looks at the bag I'm holding and while her face doesn't show it, I see the alarm in her eyes. She knows I know.

I'm not sure how to approach this situation. So for a minute or two, I don't say anything. The bus driver said we would be here almost an hour to eat, I still have plenty of time.

But then the quiet starts to get to me and not saying something becomes impossible. "Is that why you didn't want anything to eat from in there?" I try to keep the tone of my voice an even keel.

She doesn't answer and the silence slowly begins to fuel my anger.

"Is it? Because your friend Leah works in there? Because that's what I'm thinking. No, no, we wouldn't want to give away your dirty little secret, would we? Hell no! There's no way you could be civil to Edward Cullen, right? You shouldn't even share his air." I nod my head wanting her to say something. Say anything. "That's bullshit, Bella. That's not how you treat a friend."

She swivels around in the bench seat to face me, her eyes are wide. There's a fire there now, one I haven't seen in a few days.

"Don't you dare throw that up in my face. We've had this talk, Edward. You know how it is. I'm doing the right thing here. I'm keeping it safe and simple for the both of us." She points at me. Her face is flush and I can tell she's upset.

"So I should thank you then? For keeping me safe? For simplifying my life by not being my friend in public?" Whatever, I don't think so. "I—"

She butts in. "Hell yes you should! I'm being the responsible, level-headed one here Edward! I'm the one keeping my fucking feet on the ground remembering what a shithole this place is and how unforgiving and mean everyone is. It doesn't matter what we think or what we feel. After this week, us being friends is not the smart thing to do. Nothing would be right about that, it would be social suicide and I don't want that for either of us. So yes, I am doing the right thing, I am keeping it simple whether you think it's right or not."

I notice her eyes are getting glassy and wet and her cheeks have passed pink, they are bright red. My heart starts to beat faster thinking that she might be about to cry because of what I've said. There's an uneasiness in me that takes over and squeezes at my gut. All I want to do it fix it for her. I don't want her to cry, ever. Especially because of me, because of us.

But I'm also pissed. She still thinks we can't be friends in the real world. "Just so you know, I never asked for simplicity, all I wanted was truth and honesty from you and I'm not so sure you're giving me that."

She closes her eyes and faces forward. She reaches up and slowly wipes the tears off her cheeks that have spilled from her lids before relaxing back in the seat and ignoring me.

We don't speak the rest of the trip.

... *lg* …

I pull up in front of her house.

We haven't talked since lunch.

I hate it.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't —"

She opens her door, not listening to me. "It's okay Edward. I'm not mad at you. You don't have to apologize. It is what it is and the sooner we acknowledge that, the better off we'll be."

I can't remember the last time I felt this defeated. It was probably when I was ten and my mother completely forgot my birthday.

"Tomorrow is Friday, can I still pick you up? It's the last day?" I try to smile as I ask.

She gets out of the car but spins toward me before bending down and peeking in the open door, "Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll see you bright and early."

I nod in agreement.

I want to sit in her drive and wait to see if she comes back out so we can talk about this.

She doesn't.

I hesitantly drive off wondering how to fix this.

Then it dawns on me, I'll have to prove it to her. I'll have to show her that we can still be friends among our other friends.

I grab my phone & send her a text. What r u doing 2nite? -E Culln

What? How did u get my #? -Bella

Oops, I forgot to tell her about that.

I might have added it earlier when u was in bathroom -E Culln

Stalker! I'm going swimming at the hole. :) Why? -Bella

Just curious. C U in the a.m. Have fun. Be safe -E Culln

Bye Edward -Bella

This works out perfectly. Time to put the plan in action. I dial a second number.

"Hey scum bucket, how about you get the gang together and we hit the hole for a little cliff diving tonight? There's a full moon?" I open my closet and search for my swimming trunks.

"Why Cullen, that sounds like the best plan you've had in months. You want me to pick you up?" Emmett asks.

"Nah, I'll meet you all there." I hang up on him and take a deep breath.

This just has to work.

I grab a towel and my keys, locking the door behind me as I leave.

She'll see, she's been keeping this simple and safe for nothing. I just know it.

I know how long it's been. I apologize, but now I have new goals, one of which is to finish this fic, and it starts with one chapter at a time.