a/n: from the timestamp meme on lj, wherein users could request a story and a specific date before or after the story they'd like to see in a fic. this is for bottan, who requested this story, "about ten years or more back".

"Yuui," Fai said from outside their bedroom door.

"Go away," Yuui said, his voice clogged with tears despite his best efforts.

"Yuui, please," Fai said, unhappily, and rapped lightly on the door with his knuckles; Yuui sniffed, pawing his tears out of his eyes, and then slid out from between his blankets and flipped the lock to open. Fai eeled his way in immediately. "There," he said, closing the door behind him, and his whole expression changed when he saw Yuui's. "What's wrong?" he asked, anxious.

"You," Yuui said, choked. "I saw you kissing him outside school."

"Yuui," Fai said, his eyes softening.

"You promised you wouldn't," Yuui said, hating his voice, wheedling and weak. "You said you wouldn't kiss anyone. Until we were both ready. Until we were at college and out of here. I-"

"I'm sorry," Fai said gently, and came forward two steps, taking Yuui's shoulders and turning him so they were face to face. Yuui's eyes tracked over the features they shared, the features he saw both here and in mirrors, and wondered when Fai had become this stranger. "I'm sorry," Fai said again, and he was telling the truth, Yuui could always tell when he wasn't.

"Why did you do it?" Yuui asked softly, unable to hold onto his anger with Fai looking at him like that. He was still hurt, but he never could be mad at Fai for long.

"I... I wanted practice," Fai said helplessly, his fingers tightening on Yuui's shoulder, and some of Yuui's confusion must have shown, because Fai shook his head. "I wanted to know what to do. So I wouldn't suck at it."

"I don't understand," Yuui said, and Fai kissed him, slow and sweet. It would probably have been more sweet if Yuui hadn't been too shocked to kiss back. Fai's lips were cracked and dry, but his mouth was warm; after Yuui failed to respond he drew back, and there was bittersweet disappointment on his face. Yuui touched his fingers to his lips, stunned.

"I'm going to Japan," he said. "For college, I mean."

"No," Yuui replied immediately. "You promised to come to Italy. You said. We were going to Florence."

"Tokyo had a better chemistry program," Fai said, and kissed Yuui gently on the forehead. "It's alright, Yuui. You don't need me."

Yes I do, Yuui thought, but his lips still burned where Fai's touched his. "When are you going?" he asked, numb. "What are you going to do about - ? Fai, your Japanese is average, how are you going to -?"

"I'll live," Fai said, and touched his thumb to Yuui's lips. His smile was sad. "I leave this Saturday. Will you see me off?"

"How long have you been plotting this?" Yuui whispered, and Fai turned away, and Yuui wondered. Wondered how long Fai had wanted to kiss him. Wondered how he had taken Yuui's rejection. Impatiently he grabbed Fai's arm and hauled him around, seizing his twin's face and yanking him forward; their mouths collided brutally, Fai's tooth splitting his lip, and Fai pulled away with a muttered exclamation. Yuui dabbed at the stinging wound and was unsurprised to see blood on the pad of his thumb.

"Yuui, no," Fai said, sounding shaken.

"Don't go to Japan," Yuui said, his voice cracked and hoarse even to his own ears. "I kissed you back. It's all okay now."

Fai said nothing, just looked at him, and his eyes were filled with sympathy. "We were fourteen when I first wanted to kiss you," he said conversationally, as though remarking on the weather. "It was the summer you stopped playing piano and started cooking, remember?"

Yuui remembered. He had cooked every day, filling the house with the scent of Italian cuisine while the piano gathered dust in the corner. Fai had followed him around like a shadow, silently accepting culinary chores Yuui delegated to him without complaint. When Yuui asked Fai just smiled and said, I like it when Yuui is happy.

"I won't stay just because you kissed me, kissing doesn't mean anything without feelings. Go to Italy, Yuui. You've been working for it for years."

"Without you?"

"Yes. If you still want to kiss me when you graduate..." Fai shrugged, and Yuui swallowed, his chest aching as though he'd been stabbed.

"I don't want to," he said, and his voice broke painfully on the last word. "I don't want to be without you, Fai."

"Me too, Yuui," Fai replied and took his hand, and Yuui saw his own pain mirrored in his twin's face. Fai tugged him into a brotherly embrace, warm and familiar, and Yuui tucked his face into the curve of Fai's neck, inhaling his twin's scent, their scent as though stockpiling for a long winter. Fai stroked his hair, filtering the strands through his fingers, and Yuui stared searchingly into his twin's face, their face, looking for something he didn't wholly understand.

"I love you," he said. "That's always been my problem. You don't know how you feel."

"Then I'll find out. I'll come back to you," Yuui promised. "I will. I'll teach myself Japanese in Italy."

Fai's smile was warm and clearly humoring him, and it broke Yuui's heart. He would find the answer to Fai's question in Florence, and maybe next time...

Maybe it would be he who kissed Fai.