In Defense of Clare

Chapter 4: The Verdict

A Note from the Author: This is the final chapter to my little courtroom drama. Thank you for reading it; and thanks especially to those who took the time to review. It means so much to receive feedback; and you guys have been incredibly encouraging.

I just hope that, if it didn't change any minds, my silly parody, at least, made people think. I truly believe that Clare has become a convenient scapegoat for all of the disappointed EClare fans (and I am not trying to be disparaging here. I consider myself to be an EClare fan).

I think that many fans invested so much in the relationship between Eli and Clare that they are furious that the relationship wasn't given the same weight by the writers. They want to take it out on someone, and Clare Edwards makes a brilliant sacrificial lamb. However, it is not fair. In my opinion, when you compare Clare's behavior to Eli's behavior, it's not Clare who needs to apologize. I know Eli is sick, and I do feel for him; however, he has yet to apologize to Clare for some of the truly terrifying crap he put her through. Personally, I would have been gone the minute my "boyfriend" started yelling at me – the minute I felt like I had to monitor my words so I wouldn't set him off - and certainly the minute he brought a gun to school. Clare's behavior pales in comparison.

And really, I still don't understand what Clare did that was so wrong. She had the presence of mind to get out of an emotionally overwhelming relationship that scared her. Sick or not, once Eli started getting dangerous –shooting guns and crashing cars -Clare was well within her rights to leave him and insist that he stay away from her. Many anti-Clare fans claim that Clare should have, at least, stayed friends with Eli to help him through his illness. While I admit that would have made a very interesting story line, I have to applaud Clare for setting her boundaries. Looking at it objectively, Clare was the TARGET of Eli's unhealthy obsession; she felt suffocated, manipulated, and frightened by him. She was perfectly justified to remove herself from the situation. Besides, it's hard enough to maintain a friendship after a normal break-up – try maintaining one after your ex crashes a car to prevent you from breaking-up with him.

Yet, even in light of this, Clare did try to talk to Eli after the break-up to make sure he was OK. Yes, when faced with his medicated indifference and later his unmedicated, irrational behavior, she rebounded, but that's no crime. People rebound all the time. Despite all the passionate reports to the contrary, moving on is not selfish. And, speaking of "selfishness," when did it become such a major offense for a girl to think of herself first? I know that, in this age of Twilight, it's "en vogue" for girls to give up everything to meet the needs of handsome, emotionally damaged, dangerous boys. But, come on, guys, – enough is enough. Attacking Clare because she didn't stick it out with Eli or because she moved on to a pleasantly superficial (albeit slightly boring and underdeveloped) relationship is going a little far.

What it all boils down to is that, somewhere in the past year or so, many Clare fans have been so drawn in by the dark and brooding Eli Goldsworthy that they lost sight of the fact that Clare is a fully developed character who makes mistakes and is, at times, snarky, annoying, condescending, and judgmental. She's certainly not perfect; but she has worth and value whether she is in a relationship with Eli, whether she is in a relationship with Jake, or whether she is in no relationship at all.

What seems certifiably "crazy" to me is that fans honestly feel that Clare needs to go through some great ordeal of retribution and a lengthy period of introspection before she can redeem herself enough to be worthy of Eli – to be worthy of Alli's friendship – to be worthy of her parents' love. But then I am certainly no Ms. Sauve. I am just a fan who has spent way too many hours writing a defense of a fictional character. ; )

Again, I do not own Degrassi or Law and Order. I also do not own My Chemical Romance (a kickass band!) or their song "I Don't Love You." Listen to the lyrics. I think it is an incredibly appropriate song considering how many fans have recently joined the anti-Clare insurgency. Thanks again for reading! Leave a review, if you are so inspired.

The camera pans in a circular shot around the table in the jury deliberation room. One by one, it focuses on the faces of the jury members. A few look tense; many look resigned; all look tired. The camera follows the jury forewoman as she stands and makes her way out the door and down the hallway, the rest of the jury trailing behind her. The forewoman pauses before the door of the courtroom. The door swings open. The camera now becomes the perspective of the forewoman, as she glances around the room, her eyes briefly settling on the defendant, Clare Edwards, before moving on to take her seat in the jury box. The camera pulls back into a wide shot of the entire, seated jury. (Cue Law and Order music)

…

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

"We have, Your Honor," the forewoman stated.

"Ms. Edwards, please rise."

Clare nervously stood. This was it. Her future was now in the hands of twelve angry Degrassi fans. She frantically tried to make eye contact with the jury members, but none would look her way.

"How do you find the defendant, Clare Edwards?"

"We find the defendant, Clare Edwards, guilty of all crimes with which she is charged."

The crowd gasped, and Clare felt her breath catch in her throat. Her eyes burned, as she bit her lip, trying desperately to hold back tears.

"We find her," the forewoman continued, "annoying, ungrateful, uncaring, bitchy, whiney, condescending, a bad kisser, a bad friend, a bad girlfriend, a horrible daughter, inconsistent, out of character, a promise breaker, a drama queen, holier than thou, hypocritical, an unconvincing crier, cold, heartless, naïve, stupid, and a fashion nightmare."

The courtroom was eerily quiet for a moment, after the verdict was read. But, as the verdict sank in, the spectators suddenly erupted into wild applause. Crying in happiness, audience members hugged each other joyfully. The members of the Jesus Club broke out in a spontaneous, a cappella rendition of Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus."

Mr. Edwards, basking in the glory of an undisputed win, took a victory lap around the courtroom, high-fiving all within his reach.

Unable to comprehend people's unbridled enthusiasm in response to the verdict, Clare sank into her seat and put her head down on the table. She gasped shallowly, trying frenziedly to catch her breath.

Her lawyer, shocked and appalled by the verdict, numbly patted her shoulder. "Breathe, Clare. Breathe," he whispered.

"Order! Order!" Judge Dawes cried, banging her gavel in an attempt to quiet the uproarious crowd.

Once the spectators had settled back in their seats, Judge Dawes turned to Clare with an almost sympathetic look. "Ms. Edwards, it now falls to me to sentence you. Please stand."

Clare raised her head wearily and stood up, knees trembling.

"Although you were once my most prized pupil, I have to bend to the will of this court," Judge Dawes stated somberly.

She cleared her throat and began. "Clare Edwards, I sentence you to HELL in the second half of Season 11. Not only will your current boyfriend, Mr. Martin, cheat on you with Jenna Middleton after you have humiliated yourself by offering him your virginity, but all of your friends will heartlessly abandon you. You will become a social pariah - so much so that Connor Deslauriers will feel sorry for you. Both of your parents will start new families, completely ignoring you. Your grades will drop. You will be kicked off the paper. The Jesus Club will refuse to pray for you. You will have to sit by Heather Poulette in every one of your classes, even though she smells like salami and onions. You will have to watch as Eli Goldsworthy moves on to a healthy relationship with someone who is smarter, funnier, prettier, and who owns more headbands than you do. You will develop an eating disorder OR a drug problem OR you will contract a social disease and no one – I say NO ONE—will feel sorry for you. Sav will come back to Degrassi for the sole purpose of co-writing a song with Jenna about your fall from grace. It will be inappropriately poppy and upbeat with a chorus about a white horse, but it will be about your fall, just the same."

Clare, who had been able to hold herself together until this last remark, choked out a strangled sob.

"And only when you are broken beyond all hope," Judge Dawes continued, "only when you have crawled across shattered glass, begging for forgiveness for the numerous crimes you have committed against your parents, against your friends, against Mr. Goldsworthy, against fashion, and, most importantly, against humanity, will you have any happy storylines."

Judge Dawes banged her gavel ominously, and Clare sank to her seat, her legs shaking violently. Bile rose in her throat, burning up into her nostrils. She had to clamp her hand over her mouth to prevent herself from getting sick.

"I now declare Case number 422, The People vs. Clare Edwards, closed." The judge turned to the jury. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your service."

The courtroom buzzed with activity, but Clare remained numbly seated, eyes glazed and unseeing. The room was spinning, and Clare felt as if she were listing back and forth. She heard voices in the distance, a muddled cacophony of sound. Her father was saying something to her, but she couldn't make out his words. She had lost all concept of time. Random images flashed before her eyes—a hearse, broken glasses, a bottle of Ipecac, a knife, a gold watch, a hammock, a Gothic Tales magazine, a plastic bag of pills, a chicken dinner, a wedding cake, …

Suddenly, she felt herself being propelled to a holding room outside of the courtroom, where she was unceremoniously pushed down on a hard bench.

"Wait here until the crowd thins," the guard grumbled, closing the door behind him.

Clare sat there dazed, her thoughts scrambled. It just didn't make any sense. How could this have happened to her? Before Eli, she was never one of the popular characters, but, at least, she wasn't so despised. Why did everyone hate her so much? Why did they loath her relationship with Jake so much?

She hated to think about the upcoming season – the humiliation, the despair, the emotional pain, the body odor of Heather Poulette. Would she even survive? Perhaps she should make a break for the Degrassi Bermuda Triangle. Maybe she could find Sadie or Leia. Was it still possible to hitch a ride to Kenya with Dr. Chris? She didn't have Darcy's official address, but she did have her new zip code. Maybe Clare could find her. Anything would be better than the future that Judge Dawes had foretold.

There was a soft rap on the door.

Not trusting her voice, Clare sat quietly, praying that whoever it was would just go away.

The door creaked open, and a shaggy, dark head peeked in. "Clare?"

She couldn't help herself. At the sight of Eli, Clare lost it. Loud, jagged sobs broke from her chest in waves.

In one stride, Eli was in front of Clare, pushing the door closed with his foot. He knelt down on the floor and enveloped her in his arms.

"It's OK, Clare. It's OK," he cooed. "We'll get through this. I promise we will."

"N... n…no, Eli," Clare stuttered tearfully, trying to catch her breath. "WE won't get through this. There is no we. There is only me now. I am on my own for the rest of the season." She pulled back to look at him. "But you know what? It isn't being alone that is the worst part. It's the fact that everyone wants to see me humiliated – all because I broke up with you and moved on too quickly – as if there is such a thing as 'too quickly' in the Degrassi Universe." She wiped her eyes angrily.

"I just don't understand it," Clare continued. "Holly J broke up with Sav, the nicest guy in the world, because she wasn't feeling it, and nobody faulted her. I broke up with you because I couldn't handle your mental instability and unpredictable, dangerous behavior, and now I am a social exile."

She furiously shook her head, "It's not fair! Everyone is so willing to overlook Bianca tearing open Adam's shirt—HIS SHIRT, for God's sake- in the hallway of Degrassi and publically outing him as a FTM transgender. They are willing to forget about the time that Owen threw poor Adam into a glass door for using the boys' bathroom and bullied Riley for being gay. But they are ready to burn me at the stake because I told Jake that I loved him and called Alli's texting issue pedestrian! I just don't get it!"

"I know, Clare. I know," Eli said, pulling her close and stroking her hair. "I feel like a lot of this is my fault. If I wasn't so goddamned handsome and angsty, I don't think you would be in this much trouble. I'm so sorry. I could go shoot Julia's picture again, if you think it would help."

"No, it's OK, Eli," Clare sniffed, softly grinning. She pulled back to brush his bangs out of his eyes affectionately. "You can't help the way you look, and I don't think that Julia is to blame for this."

A sharp knock sounded on the door. The two once star-crossed lovers separated guiltily, moving to sit side by side on the wooden bench.

The head Degrassi writer entered. In his hand was a lumpy, brown garment. "Hey, kids," he greeted. "So, Clare, sorry about the verdict. I was rooting for you."

"Thanks," Clare replied dully.

"What do you have there?" Eli questioned cautiously, a look of fear and disgust on his face. "The costume people aren't giving Clare an even more hideous wardrobe, are they?"

"Well," the writer replied, "yes and no." He held the garment out to Clare. "It's a hair shirt made out of all that hair you cut off at the beginning of Season 10. I know we have never specifically stated that you are Catholic, but we figure using a medieval, Catholic object of penance would go over well with the fans. Think of it as a physical representation of your incredible guilt over breaking up with Crazy here," he turned to Eli, "-no offense, man- and moving on to Jake way too soon. "

Clare fingered the itchy garment.

"Oh, and we are giving you a new catch phrase," the writer continued enthusiastically. "What do you think of 'Mea Culpa!'? It will be like Adam's 'Booyah!' or Manny's 'Cuckoobananas' only with added bonus of reminding everyone that you suck and that you are in desperate need of redemption."

"Awesome," Clare said tiredly.

"Anyhoo … I just came to get Eli here. He is off to start a new, quirky, hipster romance with Imogen."

Eli looked up, shocked. "Wait – didn't Imogen stalk me; manipulate me into not taking my medication; lie when she told me that Clare never loved me; purposely expose me to Jake and Clare on a date at Little Miss Steaks; turn against Clare after Clare helped her; and plant my anxiety meds in Clare's locker? Imogen is the number one enemy of EClare. There is no way the fans will go for her as my new love interest."

"Oh, but they will," the writer smirked knowingly. "True, Imogen hasn't always had your best interests at heart and has generally thought of herself first, but… and it's a big but … she has never broken up with you, and she has never told Jake Martin that she loved him. Fans can understand and even support an unhealthy, stalker obsession with Eli Goldsworthy, but tell Martin that you love him, and you've dug your own grave…um," he looked at Clare sheepishly, " …sorry, Clare."

"Live and learn," she replied shaking her head.

"Yes, well," the writer said uncomfortably, "we'll leave you to psych yourself up for the upcoming episodes. God knows, you will need to be strong—but not too strong, fans hate that from you. Bye, Clare."

"Bye." She glanced at Eli, "Bye, Eli. Thanks."

Giving her shoulder a squeeze, Eli stood. "Clare?" he bent down and looked her directly in the eye. Their faces were so close that, if Clare moved a centimeter or two, their lips would touch. "Just for the record, you have always been my favorite character."

Clare leaned back a bit and opened her mouth, but Eli cut her off.

"No, no, Clare, listen to me! Whether you are standing up for Connor; giving Alli a hard time; dancing awkwardly with KC; comforting Adam; playing Juliet; driving Morty; arguing with your parents; or even being lovey dovey with Jake, you are pretty fucking awesome." His gaze intensified, as he moved his face closer until their foreheads were touching. "I admire you, Clare Edwards, regardless of how big your fan base is. Don't ever forget that."

"Thanks, Eli," Clare breathed, pulling back, her eyes swimming with tears. She choked on a sob, turning it into a laugh. "I guess .. uh… I'll see you around, Goldsworthy?"

Eli's eyes softened momentarily before his signature smirk unfolded. "I guess you will, Edwards. I guess you will."

"Seriously, guys?" the writer interjected, a pained look on his face. "Stop before you make me puke. If I would have known that line would be so overused, I never would have written it. And, I swear to God, if you call her Blue Eyes, I will shoot myself. I'm not just saying that. Seriously, I will drive to Bullfrog's house, get his shotgun, and blow my brains out."

"In what universe would I ever call her Blue Eyes?" Eli asked, throwing up his hands in mock surrender.

"Dude, in the last episode you wore shorts and rode a bike – with a freakin' helmet on your head."

"You act like that was my fault. You guys wrote the scene. What – were you high or something?"

"Maybe….."

And with that, they were gone, leaving Clare behind holding her hair shirt.

…

The poignant, opening guitar riff of My Chemical Romance's "I Don't Love You," sounds, as the camera leaves Clare and pans down the hallway of the courtroom. It moves past Drew and Katie, the latter furiously writing up her article on the Clare Edwards verdict, as Drew boxes with the candy machine; past Dave, dramatically telling Adam all about the "action" he "tapped" over the summer; past Fiona and Imogen, passing a blue "water" bottle back and forth and giggling madly at Clare Edwards' idea of courtroom chic; past Alli and Jenna, currently arguing over which of them has been the worst friend to Clare and who kisses better – the angry Bieber wannabe or the sexy lumberjack; past Marisol, smoking out behind a giant, fake, palm tree; past Owen and Bianca, both reveling in the fact that they are no longer "the bad kids" of Degrassi now that the mighty Clare Edwards has fallen; past KC, playing basketball; past Connor who is staring intently at Hannah's boobs; past Wesley who wonders if the fact that he got a hickey from a known criminal will give him any street cred with Julian and his entourage; past Julian and his entourage who are eating French fries. The camera comes to the end of the hall and slowly makes its way into the deserted courtroom.

A single, solitary figure sits in the front row of the now empty room. His plaid jacket is faded and wrinkled. Dark circles stand out starkly under his dull, red-rimmed eyes.

Jake Martin had thought, when he first started developing feelings for Clare Edwards, that she would be his savior. He honestly believed that she had the power to redeem him from his slated role as Degrassi's new "manwhore." But "manwhore" is a fate, he now knows, from which he will never escape.

Shaking his head sadly, he brings his hand up to his face, moving it slowly in a downward motion. His voice cracks in despair, but he forces the words out anyway, "And scene."

Fade to black.