I See What You See

Life went on. Lou's passing didn't stop earth revolving around the sun. It didn't halt the ebb and flow of the ocean. It didn't put their lives on pause. Life went on; it just shone a little bit less bright. The colours of life were still there but the hue was slightly muted.

SRU replaced Lou with a well-trained street cop who was an ex-firie. He didn't like her in the beginning, even resented her. But he was put to shame again, when in spite of the cold reception she received, she had the thoughtfulness to do something special. She gave them each a commemorative bracelet to honour Lou. From that point on, his attitude softened towards her.

Leah became his rappelling partner. They were checking their climbing gear on the roof after a practice session, "Permission to ask questions," she said. His brown eyes probed hers. He shrugged, "Ok, what would you like to know?"

"What was Lou like?"

To his surprise, he told her and he told her stories of things they did, and things they said. Before he knew it, they were laughing their heads off.

"So good to hear you laugh," she said. "You have a beautiful smile. And those dimples…. lady killers, man." He sensed himself stiffened, then forced himself to relax. "Thanks," he replied shyly.

That night, he opened the boot of his car and retrieved the box of DVDs. There must be over a hundred, most of them action, comedy and Disney and Pixar films; and a whole heap of tear-jerkers; a result of a prank that became an on-going contest on who could find the teariest movie.

He found what he was looking for, "Happy Feet."

He played it, the only accompaniment being cold beer. He sang along, and laughed and giggled at certain parts. He felt happy, he hadn't been this happy for a while. When the movie ended, he put "The Lion King" on.

He laughed at certain parts, cheered on certain parts and cried when one song came on, "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" When the song ended, he raised his beer and toasted his friend, "I do, brother," he said. "I feel the love tonight."

He went to bed feeling as if parts of him were being slowly put together. Not with glue or masking tape but with the thought that someone was always watching over him. He slept well for the first time in months.

He awoke to see a leaf fall to the ground from his basement window. Summer was now coming to a close. It's now or never. He readied himself to hike the Bruce Trail, the one thing Lou wanted to do but didn't get the chance. He would hike it today and would go as far as he could in the time he had available.

"Buon giorno, Ma." He planted a smacking kiss on her forehead. "I'm hiking Bruce Trail today so I won't be home for three days, ok Ma?"

"You do that… but you eat first. I'll pack you some food." He laughed. He went in search of his backpack. "I'm taking only what would fit in here. Any surplus will go to the bin, ok?" She waved her hands, not that his instruction counted for anything.

He ate his breakfast and loaded his gear, and a book. When he went to collect his back pack, there were two baskets in addition to it. What the hell? He sighed, no point arguing with an Italian mother. I'll just have to repack later. He took all of them to his mother's delight.

"Where's Pa?"

"In the bedroom." He puffed his cheeks and blew some air out, "Right, I'll load these in the car…" When he returned, he knocked on the bedroom door, "Pa, I'm gonna be away for three days. Ti amo, Pa." His father didn't move on iota; it was easier not to. Spike stayed awhile at the foot of his bed hoping he would at least glance up. "Ok, Pa. Take care," he said as he shuffled silently out of the room.

His mum was defensive, "Mikey, he's sick…"

"I know, Ma. I know." He kissed her again and then went his way.

He stopped at Mum and Dad Y, luckily Cheryl was home so the visit was epic.

Three months on they were all still grieving, but mostly accepting of their loss now. They oscillated backward and forward between being angry, depressed and accepting. But at least they were all passed the denial stage. It really couldn't be denied anymore.

"What are you up to?" Cheryl asked.

"I'm hiking the Bruce Trail for a couple of days."

"Wow, that's an undertaking. And from someone who didn't care about the woods not so long ago. Who would have thought?"

"I know right," he said happily. "Recently we had to rescue a young woman abducted by a man who thought she was his daughter. We had to chase them through the woods and I was right at home." It was a proud moment for him.

Cheryl led him to the dining table. Before he could blink, it was laden with food. They all joined him at the table. Dad pulled a chair next to him, and opened a map of the Bruce Trail, "Do you know, depending on your physical ability and the distances you plan to travel each day, it can take anywhere from 30 days to 60 years to complete the 885 km of main Trail?"

Spike's eyes grew big and wide, "Really?"

Cheryl was surprised, "Don't tell me you didn't Google it first."

"No, I just knew Lou wanted to do it one day – all of it."

They all laughed at his naiveté, "You obviously didn't know how much of a hiker and climber Lou was," said Cecilia.

"He didn't talk about it much," he said in his defence. "Oh, he talked about it with Jules."

Anyway Young Senior offered up, "To give you a general idea, if you hiked 8 hours a day (approx. 30km) it would take 30 days to complete the Trail end-to-end. The terrain can be very challenging and finding the overnight accommodations takes some planning. So did you book a place for your overnighter?"

"Nope…. I'm sleeping in my sleeping bag and a tent."

"It's coming to fall. I don't think you should do that and not alone."

Cecilia brightened up, "Why don't you stay here overnight and then do a day trip to Bruce Trail?" She reached out to squeeze his hand, added, "Spike, you only need to climb one mountain at a time." He understood the double meaning and replied, "Good idea."

On the day he hiked, he reached the point at the top of the ridge where he could survey the spectacular beauty of God's handiwork. The sun came out of hiding for a moment behind the clouds and cast its brilliance upon the thousands and thousands of trees, some a century old. Summer was coming to an end, nipping at its heels was fall. Some leaves from deciduous trees had started to rain down – a sight to behold.

He whispered, "I see what you see."

On the way down, as darkness loomed, he heard the whistling wind, it gave him a shaky feeling, he still wasn't as comfortable in the woods as his friend was, so he said, "Walk with me, bro." And then he felt peace.

It's going to be a long way drive home… and much longer drive through life. But, It's gonna be ok.

The End -

Dedicated to all who have loved and lost:

On the 19th of May, 2011 I lost my 15 year old son so I can say with great confidence you will laugh again. You may not believe me now, but you will later. My love to you all.