Celebrating Father's Day After Your Father is Gone

February 20, 2003, my life was forever changed by the sudden passing of my father. Today is the fifth Father's Day since then, and each time the holiday comes around, I experience a range of emotions. For the first few years, I always felt so awkward. I'd watch all my friends scamper to purchase Father's Day cards and gifts, and I wished that I could do something to celebrate my father. Since I have grown up some and become a counselor since my father's death, I have come to realize that I SHOULD celebrate my father on such important days! Perhaps some of my rituals will be helpful to you.

Each Father's Day, I take some time to actively remember my father. I love to look at some old pictures, tell stories of our times together, and even listen to the classic rock music that he loved so much. I always make sure to have a glass-bottle Coca-Cola on hand, as my father and I used to get them every Saturday. These memories have been so meaningful to me, and I love experiencing them even now. Instead of sitting and remembering what we used to do, I try to go and do it!

Over time, I have come to realize that these memories, when shared with other men in my life, have led to meaningful moments with friends and mentors. I have several close friends now who love to find a glass-bottle Coke and share a great conversation with me. Participating in such active memories of my father has benefited me in two ways. First, the activities that I loved to share with my dad remain an important part of my life. Of course I wish he were here still, but I can almost feel like I spent time when I let myself re-experience those fun childhood activities. Second, I have developed relationships in my life that fill-in for my father. Fathers can never be replaced, but other men in our lives can fill the roles played by our fathers in many ways. Allowing myself to share activities from my childhood with my friends and mentors has surrounded me with men who can offer advice and encouragement when my father would have done so.

Despite the fact that my Father is no longer here, we still have a relationship. I can spend time with him by driving an old truck, playing the Bellamy Brothers, or shooting a game of basketball -- all things I did with my dad. In addition, my father plays an active role in my relationships today. When I share these activities with loved ones, they get to experience a deeper level of friendship with me. In a way, they get to meet my dad -- not physically, but through an experience.

This Father's Day, actively remember you father. Pull out the old record, flip through some pics, and share the experience with a friend. Allow your relationship with your father to continue, and use that momentum to deepen bonds with friends and father-figures in your life. Above all, remember that you have a Heavenly father who loves you too. Don't forget to spend some time with Him as well! Happy Father's Day!!

P.S. - To my dad: this is for you!

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