Lonely Men Built Lonely Cities

The Social Construction of "Race"

Humans, for as long as cognitive expression has existed, have responded to their inherent responsibility to classify and compartmentalize the world around them. This ill-founded obligation we so readily accept has proven helpful in some endeavors while disastrous in others.

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Cowboys > Politicians

America would not be if it weren't for cowboys. These swashbuckling heroes aided in the evolution of our country in ways greater than the invention of the lightbulb, railroad, and iPod combined. "How?" you ask, "Aren't our nations cowboys thieves, murderers, and scoundrels?" Nay.

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Sag Your Pants. Period.

No matter what style of clothing you decide to wear being subject to some giant fashion generalization is as unavoidable as dropping your iPod.

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Religious Presidents and Gay Marriage

America can't function without Presidents. Hell, most people can't function without some inkling of a President's superiority cradling their lofty, fragile desires. For many, a President's religion must be as much a part of them as their wake of mislead and broken promises.

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You Say Duct Tape Bandit, I Say Superhero

It's late afternoon in Ashland, Kentucky. Temperatures skyrockets as people flee for the inviting safe haven of an air conditioned room or perhaps a shadow casted from the nearest tree. Mouths are parched behind dry lips while a man steps into Shamrock Liquors.

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Barry Bonds is Still A Shmuck

We all know that there's always "big" news overshadowing news that should truly be the top story of the day. The celebrities come out of their mansions long enough to screw their lives up badly enough to make the front page.

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High School Thoughts (Part 3) The Final Chapter + Ansab

It's over. Finally, truly, and subtly over. The high school chapter of my life has closed with the slightest flinch of a page turning, never again to be read for the first time. From now on there are only incomplete sparknoted summaries on what was and what could have been.

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High School Thoughts (Part 2)

I sincerely hoped I would update the churnings of my mind earlier than this but resisting the overbearing flow of my school week was futile. And so, like any good schoolboy, I sat quietly and completed my work instead of engaging in the beautiful escape that Newsvine offers.

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High School Thoughts (Part 1)

My AP English teacher recently suggested an interesting assignment that I feel I must share with the Newsvine community.

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No More Sexy Teachers

That's it. I'm done hearing about stories such as this . And this And this (Never mind. This one is just hilarious.)

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Why I'm Not Voting in 2008

You: What?! Not voting? How dare you! Why do you hate America? Teenagers are communists! Me: Woah woah slow down turbo. Read the satire tag and let me explain myself, we can talk about this.

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What Would You Do if the U.S. Invaded Iran?

Ok. You're sitting at home, at work, at school, while the breaking news comes flashing in from websites, newspapers, or the Paul Revere wannabee running down the streets. "The United States, in a preemptive strike, has invaded Iran to find X, to destroy X, to install X".

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Krinkled Kilt Update

Everyone in the world knows what Ansab and I have up our sleeve (except our school administration) but in the rare event that you are unaware, I'll bring you up to speed.

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America's Tragic Flaw: Voting

It's a nasty habit. It's a chronic disease. It's the slingshot that topples the giant. It's the "low gas" light that flashes when you're still miles from home. It's a lecture from your parents. It's the C- when you were expecting at least an B+. It's horrible.

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The Running of the Bulls is Animal Cruelty

It happens every year in Spain but no one cries out in displeasure. As the warm summer breeze of July sweeps through the towns the anticipated fear swells. The clock blinks eight and their shoes get laced. "Will today be the day?..." they ponder.

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How Would You Disprove the Existence of God?

During a discussion that was initiated by myself I was posed with the task of disproving the existence of God.

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A Global Warming Warning in Mainstream Rap

Mainstream rap, particularly during the last few years, has been regarded in a negative light. The melodies are simple and the lyrics are offensive to nearly every demographic yet it still thrives in our culture.

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Ansab's Baby Picture Revealed

Isn't he the cutest baby you've ever seen? I just want to watch him eat some bamboo all day long. I bet his parents are so proud. I know I would be proud if I gave birth to such an adorable panda.

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Are You Living the American Dream?

Wikipedia defines it as: The American Dream is a subjective term usually impling a successful and fullfilling life. Perceptions of the American dream are usually framed in terms of American capitalism, its associated purported meritocracy, and the freedoms guaranteed by the U.S.

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Satire Ground Rules

Last night I published an article that was received this morning with pitchforks and cries to run me out of town. Perhaps they thought that Keld and DNR had a secret teenage son and that I was prepared to accept my role as Newsvine fire-starter.

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You Say Heartless Elderly Attacker, I Say Civic Hero

We have all familiarized ourselves with the recent news of an elderly woman (Rose Morat, 101-years-young) having been "attacked" by a "vicious" mugger as she attempted to exit her apartment building on her way to church.

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A Few Other Things That Are Bothering Me...

Between the swirling attempts to finish off my final year of high school and the angry hormones supplementing my irritability I will take a moment and share with you some things that have recently pushed my buttons.

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About Mike V.

Articles Posted: 35
Links Seeded: 24
Member Since: 11/2006

I am a lion, roaring out loud. I go to Seattle University and satirical journalism is in my blood. Thats why knife fights with me are so funny.

Recommendations

Books

  • The Mysteries of Pittsburgh
  • Wonder Boys
  • Werewolves in their Youth
  • The Escapist Vol. I
  • Once A Runner
  • The Final Solution
  • The Stranger
  • The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay

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