On 911 I was getting dressed for work and had the TV on as background noise. I walked out of the bathroom tying my tie and saw the World Trade Center smoking like a bad forest fire. I turned the TV up to see what the hell happened. I knew in the back of my mind that this didn't look like an accident but that didn't surface because the next instant I saw the other plane.
I immediately called the school I worked for, I asked the secretary if anyone had been watching TV and seen what had taken place. " Yes" she said. I asked if they were going to cancel school because it was in the middle of the city of Pittsburgh PA and I knew panic would be the first reaction of many. She said"No, school would still be open". I was pissed, how simple minded, I wanted to say something but I knew she was not the problem. I said"see you soon" and hung up.
How did I feel, scared, no, I felt anger. I waited for the bus, got on and saw all the people and their faces, everyone on board knew what had happened. I went to the back where I always sit and sat down. Two guys were in the back and were complaining loudly that this would mean a draft would be the next move of our government and they would be drafting the poor and blacks to do the dirty work. I was incensed more than learning that the school would still be open. I wanted to tell them they were doing the terrorists job for them "you idiots", but I held my tongue and looked out the window.
I got to town and say what I suspected would happen, panic, fear, tears, rage and everyone was walking quickly and looking in the sky as they moved to where they were going.
I got to the school and could see the students streaming out of the door, one of my students saw me and said "Mr. A, school is cancelled, what are you doing here?" I let that go and started to get the kids moving to there cars and bus stops. I kept calm and told them to get home and I would see them next class. I soon got the crowd dispersed. I was pissed that no one in the school had decided to even have a presence at the front door.
After the crowd of students left I went towards my bus stop and ran into a few students that were coming in for later classes. I stopped and talked to each one and let them know to go right home. I hugged many who were crying and upset, calmed them and saw them on their way. I was angry but I kept it well hidden for their and my benefit.
I waited two hours for a bus that would stop, the ones I saw that would take me home were packed to the gills. I started walking towards the bridge that would take me home 5 miles away.
I walked and tried to thumb a ride, no one would stop to offer one, I was angier than ever now. I was a mile from home when my feet started to give out, my work shoes were not made for that amount of travel. I was hot, tired and mad as hell. I had seen what I knew would happen and I should not have been mad but "you know how it is"! I saw a small bar that was open and went in to get a drink and to sit and rest. The only one in there was the bartender who was watching the TV. I ordered the coldest beer he could find and sat and watched with him, we exchanged few words, mostly me or him asking about another drink. We didn't need to talk about anything, we sat and stayed inside our own heads.
I was drinking and thinking. I thought about my reaction to everything, I counted my emotions and looked at each one. The one I still didn't have was fear. I had anger, sadness, grief and was unsure of myself and other people. I felt lighter than air and heavier than a boulder. And I was getting tipsy. I paid for my drinks and left a big tip, he didn't want it but I turned and walked out the door, I had paid him for leaving me alone. Time for home.
As I walked the last mile, I thought of terrorism and the history of terror and violence. I lived it everyday growing up in the neighborhood that was my home for 15 years. I did not like being back there in my mind and I knew that as I walked, the terrorists had grabbed hold of me and I had to shake that hold or I would lose it emotionally.
I have never gotton afraid or fear these monsters. Where I grew up fear could kill you. They know this, this is the first lesson of terror.
Am I still holding anger, yep, but mostly that is for those who now use the fear of the terrorists to implant fear in us.
The greatest and strongest weapon is fear and intimidation. Stand up and make it weak! Do not give them the strength of purpose they seek.
Fearmongers I detest you. No matter were you stand or what you believe, if you use fear and intimidation you are a terrorist. Your tactics to weaken opposition is the same tactic of terrorism.
To all here and in America do not let these terrorists or fear mongers control your lives or our countries leaders.
Do not use there only real weapon against your fellow Americans, they win and we all end up letting Bin Laden win.
Peace of mind for all of us and good will towards your fellow countrymen, even when you disagree, will defeat monsters in the end.