It's another new day

It's started well so far

I woke up this morning

It beats the alternative for sure

So I say thank you

To the Lord above

For granting me another day

To be with those I love

Some of them are far away

Some are just next door

Some of them I have yet to meet

I still love them all the more

It's another new day

A day I can make all mine

Think I'll start by writing

Another New Day rhyme

It's a Lovely day

That is all I know

Doesn't matter if it's raining

Or the ground is covered in snow

It's a lovely day

It's how I feel in my heart

Today will bring new meanings

A joy that can overflow in the heart

It's a Lovely Day

That's what I'm going to shout out

No matter what is happening

It's how my day will turn out

I'm going to enjoy the weather

Doesn't matter how hot or cold

Let it rain in buckets

Or the Sun can shine bright and bold

It's a Lovely day

Because I'm still alive

I can be good to those I love

And make joy a part of their lives

It's New Year's once again

Time to celebrate with family and friends

To raise a glass on high

At how the year has passed on bye

To give a toast to the New Year

An say how will change for the better this year

Some will say they'll get in shape

Others just make a promise to lose weight

Still some will do what they can to give up smoking

At the end of next year they might say they where joking

As for me I have but one wish

To be here next year to make the same wish

Happy New Years Everybody

We say where friends forever

We talk and text each day

Even when your living

Hundreds of miles away

I know it isn't easy

Missing you like I do

But I'll settle for the phone calls

The pictures you send too

I will always keep you in my heart

I know that you'll do the same

I also know that when you need me

I'll never be far away

I've been dreaming of the Holidays

I hope my dreams come true

All my Holiday dreams

Have been wonderful and new

My friends all had great times

My family had one too

Even the pets got presents

Funny what dreams can do

So here is to all my friends

My family members too

I'm hoping all my dreams come true

Because my dreams included all of you

Happy Holidays everyone

To be thankful one has to have something to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for my Wife who has given me love and support.

I'm thankful for my Mother who has loved me and kept me on the right path.

I'm thankful for my Son's who I could not have raised if I hadn't be raised right my self.

I'm thankful for my Grand Children and the joy they bring to us.

I'm thankful for my Father who showed me that true strength comes from within.

I'm thankful for my Grand Mother and Grand Father who also guided my life.

I'm thankful for my Air Force Service which allowed my to protect everyone.

I'm thankful for my Dogs who have given us love and protection.

I'm Thankful for my friends who I strived to remain true to.

I'm thankful for this and so much more that words can never say.

I'm thankful to you also as you read these words today.

So many blessings to you which come from my heart.

May joy fill all your days is my blessing for you as we part.

Sometimes we let our wild side go

Sometimes we humble ourselves

Sometimes we take of life as it goes

Sometimes we plan every detail

No matter the plan there is always a hitch

No matter the day there can be a small stitch

It’s how we view it that matters today

That’s how I take each day after day

I might want it perfect

I know it won’t be

It won’t stop my smile

But hey that’s just me

Roll with the punches the best that you can

Sometimes you must just forget the game plan

So let the dogs out

Just bark at the moon

If a plan goes just perfect
It must be a full moon

I am going to keep this short, but yet again I think it is important to say. My screen name used to be Theresa N. Theresa was always a PART of my name but not it's entirety. Then one time in an article I got the rather creepy remark, "You know me Theresa, just not by this name".......then the individual (whom I did not think I knew) left and never returned to my article. Nor did she email me as to whom she was in "real life". I have to say that I never forgot that, and it made me think about a lot of things. Just as a lot of things in my life which seem adversarial at the time, it has turned out to be a gift.

I joined Newsvine to develop my skills as a writer. It has been like a University to me, since I have only a High School education.

As I am fond of saying, it costs nothing to dream. And so, I am working on 2 storylines, which are protected with the Writer's Guild. I changed my screen name as a sort of resume as I hope one day to be published outside of Newsvine.

I don't ever expect to graduate from Newsvine University, just as in life we don't graduate until we die, I suppose.

Anyway, I didn't want to confuse friends in the Newsvine family because once my name converted from "Theresa N" to "Kara Shalee", then all of my past articles and comments will show up in this new format.

Now, having browsed through some of the most helpful lady's (that would be rottlady) articles, I will try to put in a link to my column, as she gave me and the rest of us the steps. I said I would TRY, OK?? LOL.

My screen name has changed, but I am still bats in the belfry, so still the same style. And I do hope this makes some sense. I so enjoy being a part of the Newsvine community and everyone I have encountered has brought me some University training. As well, I treasure the friendships that I have made here and hope to continue to make.

Relevant comments and questions are welcomed, COH please. And if you are new to Newsvine, there are groups to join which publish articles to get started. You can also browse groups to join, or even create one of your own. I created 2 and have published this article accordingly to them.

I hope I gave away some useful things in this article, as I have received so much. And you have to give it away in order to keep it, goes the refrain. I would run out of room if I were to name everyone who has helped me since I came aboard. You know who you are (I hope!!). And the Newsvine Community knows who they are. Be one of them if you are new; this isn't the place for trolls.

Monday was my birthday.

Tuesday was my God daughters.

Wednesday is my Grand Son's.

An this Friday is my close friends.

My Grand Father (rest his soul) was born 9 days before me.

The man who works at my Walmart store was born 2 days before me.

Where having one Big Party for all of us this week.

I'm cleaning the fish from my fishing trips for all of us to eat.

It sounds a little crazy but I swear this is all true.

I'll be surrounded by lots of Cancer's

Each is adorable and cute.

All of us have good hearts but our ages are 4 to 72.

I plan to be here next year and we'll celebrate anew.

(transcribed)

Over the weekend had some complications with the current health situation. I am doing fine, but have not been able to get my fingers and brain to link back up. Still able to seed a bit...but commenting and writing will be on hold. Be back soon.

Maddad

(transcribed)

Although I thought things might be getting better the 1st of the week, the end is bringing it's own news. 3 more seizures since Wednesday....must admit, there maybe somethings worse than death. Still expecting a full and quick recovery when the docs get it right. Full steam ahead! Thank you to those who have stopped in...

maddad

With the Fourth of July right around the corner, many of us will be getting together to spend the holiday with family and friends (furry or human). There will be family reunions, picnics, parades and of course, barbeque's! We might watch fireworks or light them off ourselves and there will probably be some good food cooking on the grill and great music playing in the background. So that got me thinking.......What songs would you want to listen to while you celebrate the 4th of July? In honor of the American holiday and with a nod to a "Lady" (Bug) viner who did something like this once before, I will write the name of a song and the artist or band who performs it and then the next person has to take any word out of the song title and come up with another song and list that artist or band........and so on and so on.

So for just a little while, let's forget our troubles and let's have some fun!!

I wake each day to a new beginning

It's a new day of life you see

A chance to make a difference in this world

A chance to shine so brightly

A blessing has been given

I shall not take it for granted

Today I'll make a difference

Today gives me another chance

It's a chance to help a friend in need

Or maybe someone I don't know at all

To make a difference in a strangers life

Just wouldn't be bad at all

Yes to see a stranger smile today

A chance to make a new friend

Just maybe they'll pass on the same blessing

If it continues then the whole world can be friends

A Message On Memorial Day

When I joined you I was a dumb Hillbilly From West Virginia.

At home I barely ever talked to your kind.

I thought there was nothing we could ever have in common.

I tried to stay separate from you and never learn your names.

I tried my best to stay alive so I could someday go home.

What does a chicken @!$%# war hawk that has never worn the uniform know about staying alive?

What does a silver spoon puke know about the love and respect created in combat?

What could a career student or politician know about horror and blood and loss?

Why can't all those bigots, racists, sexist, homophobes, corporatists and religious zelots understand that when you are fighting for your life and your friends, FRIENDS are dying all around you, that its not the Color of your skin, Sex or Sexual orientation that matters...

What matters is that your friend is dying, and you have failed, and now there is no one to watch your back.

What matters is that every hop and every op is a piece of your sanity and your soul ripped from you, making you less human and more animal. And if you are not vigilant there is no help waiting to turn it off when you come home.

What really matters in the end, what determines whether you live or die and come back sane or insane... is tossing out the bull@!$%# of whether you are black or white, brown or yellow or red, gay or straight, male or female, republican or democrat.. what truly matters in the end... is either we are brothers now and forever...or we are dead...I got your backs Bro's... thank you for getting mine.

Thank you for teaching me the most important lesson of my life.

Thank you for helping me to learn what truly matters in this world.

Thank you for covering my back when in the @!$%#.

Thank you for helping me get home alive!

You will all be welcome at my table now and forever.

May God protect you in the time you have left and come home safe.

I love you guys.

In Country 69

The peace within is easy to find You just have to close your eyes. Let the days troubles fall far behind An think of the people who love you. Remember your childhood Think of your friends Think of your mother and father

(Early Fall 2010)

We all have times in our lives When we need a helping hand. The car stalls out It's in the middle of the road An you just caused a traffic jam. Most of the people will just get mad. They yell things like go to hell. Wouldn't it be so much better

When you where born your parents gave you a garden They planted a special seed called love in your heart They gave you a light called sunshine to always help it grow They made it to last a lifetime and gave it energy to spare They nurtured it through hugs

I have some of the greatest friends. I live next door to a father and his two sons, we have all adopted each other as family, just a bunch of bachelors. We all take turns cooking and bringing dishes over and share meals together. Frank the father also grew up with some of the same guys that I used to run around with. In fact I received a phone call from an old friend that used to play bass guitar for me and come to find out he and my friend sang in the youth choir together at church growing up. So I guess it is a small world.

All right so far we Have Frank, his son Matt and Tyler we are the neighborhood BBQ'ers, now we have to bring Keith into the picture Harley ridin hell raiser and truck driver. Keith's wife left about 4 weeks ago and took everything he had OMG she even took the toilet paper on the roll dispenser. Frank, Cheryl and myself became the ones that Keith could confide in we are the ones that help keep him held together. When Keith gets off the truck on the weekend, it is time to start testing the beer so Keith is our professional beer drinker and I'God he does a damn good job.

Keith started getting lonely so Cheryl and I thought we would get him hooked up with an ole friend's sister. It worked, of course they saw each other a few times then it came time to the *ahem* relations part........Keith calls Frank and I up in a worry saying that she wanted.........some personal lubercant and she wants the kind that warms up....He says he has never shopped for that stuff before and would Frank and I go with him to get it. Well while Cheryl and some of the other girls were over getting the veggies and side dishes ready for the BBQ Frank, Keith, me and Matt headed to the store to find Keith some warm up lube...lol Matt was the DD. Did I mention we had been testing the beer. I was testing the Vodka and do you know there are at least 25 different juices, sodas and other mixes that go very well with vodka. We go to the first little store and no luck, we go to a convenience store and no luck. Our last stop was Fred's dollar store and we all fan out looking for the lube.

Hummm I am getting the munchies from all the vodka I had put away that day so I find some double dipped chocolate peanuts, I grab them. I see some Hall's menthol cough drops, a box of crackers and a few more little things I thought I needed. I catch up with Frank and Keith and ask them if they found what Keith was looking for, and they said yes. Well it hit me I had to take a piss, so I hand all my stuff to Frank and ask him to hold it for me till I get back. Bathroom job finished, I get my stuff from Frank and thank him, then Keith says he found what he needed and we could leave on the way to the checkout they look for different things and I am tagging along behind them just happy as a loon.

They check out then it is my turn. I am all smiles, it could have been from the vodka but I really think it was the pretty young lady that was checking out my items. She asked if I had found everything alright, I told her I did. She asked how I was doing today and I informed her very well. Then I started placing my items on the counter for her to scan. Chocolate covered peanuts.... beep.....Hall's cough drops........beep......saltine crackers......beep.......sardines.......beep. Then I pulled something from the arm load of stuff I didn't remember picking up....my face is red as I quickly put it under the counter and look at this pretty girl that was checking my items and this is what I said....Ma'am what I am going to place up on the counter I do not need, I do not know anyone that needs this product and farther more I do not know how I came to be carrying it. She has this dumb founded look on her face and just nodded O.K. Then I bring the bottle of Vagisil out from under the counter and she just smiles and puts it aside. We hear Keith and Frank standing by the exit just Fckin laughing their asses off pointing at me mimicking the line from I, Myself and Irene......We need a price check for Vagisil on isle five that's Vagisil the feminine itch cream. After the girl at the checkout counter sees me grin and say you bastards I will get you back, she says I am sorry but the look on your face was priceless and then busts out laughing .

They had put it in my stuff when I went to the bathroom and my dumb ass had been carrying it around the store like nothing was wrong......I told them PAY BACKS ARE A BITCH!!!!!!

When I was little I wanted my family to be the perfect family. My Dad was not Ward and my Mom was not June Cleaver but my little brother was a little like the "Beaver". I learned what family was from the TV, so why wasn't my family like TV!

I sought solace and love, belonging to a group and the protection from the outside that family creates for each member. I wanted support and needed guidance to grow. Well, my parents both worked and we were lucky to have Grandparents who did everything for us and with us. They held us together and made it work the best that they could do. I have no real complaints here about my family, heck you can't pick and chose a family, or can you?

I did meet and become a member of another family and my wife became a member when we married.

My high school friend married his sweetheart at the tender age of 17 and we all became a family. All the girls and guys I hung out with went there, ate and slept there, learned to cook for each other, helped each other, partied till dawn together and celebrated every holiday, birthday, birth, marriage and death together.

Our own families wondered what we were up to, they made us know how they felt in many subtle ways but we were young and we were in love with OUR family. We knew how to do this because we all craved it and needed it to live and sustain ourselves in a family. It was a heady time and we celebrated our family every chance we could get.

Over the years, this family has broken apart, friends moved away or died, got into arguments that never mended properly, jobs elsewhere or married spouses who hated OUR family and did not want one part of it. Health issues, divorce, economic failures, unemployment, alcohol and drug abuse, infildelity and jealousy were just a few things thrown at this family.

Through it all, a small group of us have keeped the family and its history together. We see less of each other physically but we are in touch daily. We are in touch inside our heads and in our hearts.

freinds who become family are the best of friends. The ties that bind us are immortal. This small group is a line of history that has intertwined with all the other lines and strands of family. We are just one tiny chapter in an ever expanding novel.

Do you have friends who are really family?

Long ago there were ancient Shaman who lived in the high mountains in China. They lived in the misty mountains where the Reishi Mushroom grows in the crags. They never came down off of the mountain unless there was a great need in the villages, such as a plague.

Hello my friends and the newly acquainted with my writing. I've been doing a lot of poems lately and this week is still a poem but a different kind from what I would normally write. This week it's pure music.

Epiphany, it would not be a breakdown! Not that a breakdown could not happen to be, but all that is going on has not begun to get to me, I still get up every morning with a spring in my legs. This past few weeks I have had so much to take in that so many things are starting to come out of the haze. First the two musicals, which have imprinted themselves in my mind, then some crap with Madison's mother, then certain things that really bother me at home with my house-mate, then an ex-girlfriend tels something that for some reason really bothered me, then Madison's school is not doing some thing correctly, then I have an argument with Jim that really put me in a different place, and through all this this I have on my mind that a friend of mine that would exchange e-mails every two days or so has little time to now because she is going through some difficult times at home as well, and of course court tomorrow stemming from my single vehicle accident about two months ago is on my mind, and for some odd reason a good friend of us all hear passed and although I did not know her so much she pops into my mind, how very weird.

All came to a sudden slow down, as I was taking Maddy to school, late, for picture day, listening to "Fallen Angel," Jersey Boys, my heart caught me by surprise when my heart started beating like if a lion had gone inside and was now trying to get out. I felt one single tear roll down my right eye, at the same time Maddy turned her head and stared at me for a few seconds and said nothing. A minute later when I stopped to put gas in the truck, she told me I was crying. I answered her my eyes hurt. But as soon as I returned to the truck I told her I was because the song makes me sad, she said nothing (if she only knew that I could have wrapped my arms around her and never let go). A lie, sure, but I corrected immediately.

At the time I was arguing with Jim, something form inside halted me, I could have exploded like never before, but instead I did something that I knew would not only keep me calm, but would also infuriate him, and I am not sure, yet, if it was a good or bad thing. After raising my voice two or three times I stopped, I just would not raise my voice any more and when he would interrupt me or what I was trying to say I would simply stop and tell him to keep going and that I would not raise my voice any longer. When he told me he had to go to work, it was about three in the afternoon, I told him to go and that I would be waiting for him when he returned, I was sitting on a chair with my feet raised on a ottoman. He sat next to me and told me that he would listen to what I had to say, but I told him to go to work that I was not ready and that I did not want to tel him anything right then and there. He went to work, I sat with my feet on the ottoman, I heard his car, I heard someone call his name, I sat, he came up the stairs, I sat, he came in to his apartment and I was still sitting in the same chair, it was about six thirty. When he sat next to me and asked me what I had to say, I told him I had nothing to tell him, I could have done many things, I could have left, gone to the restroom, moved from that freaking chair, after three or so hours my ass was very sore, I could have started another argument, I could have take it out on someone else, I could have cried, I could have done so many things, but I did nothing but sit there and say nothing.

During the argument, I started smiling and laughing at the way Jim was getting angrier and more frustrated (I already told him this) and I told him to recall the interview with the Dalai Lama we had seen and he was so happy all the time because he was enlightened, I told him thats not it, he was happy because each day when he woke up he decided then and there that he was going to be happy, and that at that moment in front of him arguing with me I had decided to be happy and smile contently. I think that was the most horrible and uncaring thing I have ever told told anyone, and the worst part of it, at that specific time I meant it and I was really smiling from ear to ear. Why would I do that to a really good friend cause I was also angry and had found a better way to "win," a better way to end the argument, was it simply that I did not want to engage, did I sense something more was coming, was I the better man for not engaging! Hell if I know anything, but every single day of my life I learn something about people or myself, and although I can't specifically remember the events, the lessons stay with me and as I told Jim that night, I will not stand for people making fun, hurting, wring or take advantage of others, and if they can't stop their actions when I ask politely, I will simply walk away from them, and never be part of their lives again. I really can't take all the crap going on everywhere with lies, games, hate, or utter disregard of how it is to be kind and human, I AM DONE!

Every Day above ground is a good one This you know is true Each day can bring new hope A new cure for what's wrong with you So if tomorrow you wake and your blind in one eye You find a leg missing too The day is still a good one

Is it any wonder When I'm with you I smile so easily Is it any wonder With you my words come by freely Is it any wonder When I walk with you at night the stars shine so much brighter Is it any wonder When I'm with you my heart feels so much lighter

The nurse was making her rounds that early October morning, when she heard a voice coming from room one twenty seven Mrs. Woodward’s room. She peeked inside and Mrs. Woodward was carrying on a conversation with herself.

“Mrs. Woodward is everything alright” she asked. Mrs. Woodward replied in a calm and stable manner “Yes sweetie Bill was just telling me that he and I were going to go dancing again very soon. You know Bill loves to dance, the first time I met him in 1931 he was dancing a jig in the cotton field as he was picking cotton. He was ten years old and I was nine. The Great Depression had taken its toll on most families and farms here in Arkansas but Bill’s dad and mom managed to keep their small farm and my family sharecropped for them. Bill and I hit it off from the first time I met him that day in the field. If Bill went fishing I tagged right along behind him. We sure enjoyed the spring time when the dew berries were ready to pick, oh lord honey we would pick five gallon buckets full and his mother and mine would bake pies and cobblers. You know I haven’t had a good dew berry cobbler in years.” Mrs. Woodward stopped and looked at the nurse and asked. “Honey what is your name?”

The nurse replied “Mrs. Woodward my name is Sarah and I will be your nurse today. I need to take your blood pressure, temperature, pulse and give you your morning medications.”

“Oh you go on ahead and do what you need to Sarah but I am feeling fine” replied Mrs. Woodward.”

Sarah continued to take Mrs. Woodward’s vitals as Mrs. Woodward continued to talk about the days of her youth “It was a few years later when Bill was fifteen we were out picking berries and he ran across a small green snake in the dew berry vines. I was unaware because I was busy picking berries and he came up and said “look at what I got for you Hazel.” “Goodness gracious I took off a running with Bill on my heels chasing me with that green snake. He was laughing and I was screaming. He cornered me near a huge ole cottonwood tree and told me it wouldn’t hurt me but I told him if he came one foot closer I would claw his eyes out. I guess he saw the fear in my eyes and the anger in my face because he put down the snake and came and sat beside me. He wiped a tear away from my eyes because I started to cry by now and he told me he would never hurt me. Sarah under that cottonwood tree in 1936 Bill kissed me for the first time. From that day on it wasn’t the same I just wasn’t Bill’s tag along I was Bill’s girl. We went to all the community dances as a couple. Back in those days Sarah people had dances in their barns, houses or yards. They would be people that would come from miles around and the women would cook a big supper while local musicians would perform. Bill and I would dance until mom and dad would tell me it was time to go home.

Bill Graduated high school in 1939 at the age of eighteen and a year later in 1940 I graduated at the age of seventeen. Things were starting to improve with The Great Depression but times were still hard. Bill and I were sitting on his porch one evening and he told me that he was going to start saving to buy his own cotton farm and then he asked me what I thought about that. I told him it would be nice but it would take a long time to save up that kind of money. He told me that he was going to start out sharecropping for his dad and if the economy kept improving he would have enough saved in two years to buy eighty acres.

Then he asked me if I would marry him. Sarah it was like I had swallowed a bucket of butterflies”

Sarah giggled softly and asked “what did your mom and dad think about Bill wanting to marry you?”

Hazel replied “my dad and mom always liked Bill, he was always respectable to my mom and dad and a gentleman around me. My father gave him permission and blessings. We had planned to get married in the spring of 1942. Then that heart breaking day December 7^th 1941 changed our lives forever. I was in the house with mom when Bill came knocking on the door. My dad answered the door and told Bill to come in, Bill began to tell my dad about the Japanese attacking Pearl Harbor. I asked Bill what he thought was going to happen and Bill told me that there was no way President Roosevelt could keep the United States neutral any longer. Then if it couldn’t get any worse he told me that he was going to enlist in the army. I was heart broke but told him that I would wait for him.”

Hazel Woodward took a drink of water and re-positioned herself in her hospital bed and continued. “Bill left the next week for basic training and I was a worried mess, the man I loved was going thousand miles from our little spot in Arkansas to fight over seas. Things ran through my mind, what happens if he never comes back. What happens if he comes back in a coffin but I held on to the good memories of Bill, which was dancing. He promised me before he left when he returned we would dance together for the rest of our lives. By the grace of God Bill kept his head down and did come home at the close of the war, our little town gave him a coming home party and a band of local musicians, I think if my memory serves me correct they were from around the Big Lake community and were called the Big Lake Grinnell Giggers. Oh Bill was full of joy and we danced and danced. You know his favorite song was the Tennessee Waltz; he had them to play that song three times that evening.

Bill and I got married in 1946, he took over his dad’s farm and we started our family. Just as Bill promised me we danced and we danced. When the first of our three children came along Bill would come in from the fields and scoop up the baby up, grab me and dance around the living room with baby in one arm and me in the other. Even when we found out that Bill had emphysema in 1994 and would have to be on oxygen, he would take me to the sr. citizen’s center to dance every Tuesday night. Friday nights we would go to the American legion for “Friday nights dinner and dance” and dance to old timey music. Yep Bill kept his promise that we would dance for the rest of our lives. Up to six months ago Bill had taken me dancing for fifty-eight years. Oh how we danced then Sarah, six weeks ago Bill passed away September 15, 2004. Sarah can you do a favor for me, it’s such a pretty fall day could you open the window so I can see all the fall colors.”

Sarah went to the window and pulled back the long curtains and opened the window just as she opened the windows a light fall breeze rushed through the window screen. The curtains looked as if they were waltzing in the breeze and she heard Hazel say “Bill dance with me.” Sarah turned toward Mrs. Hazel Woodward whose eyes were now closed and a peaceful smile adorned her face. Sarah looked back at the curtains that continued to dance gracefully in the fall breeze. She knew that Hazel and Bill had picked up where they left off…….. dancing.

In a nutshell: Through a natural need to belong, but feeling unwanted, excluded and undervalued.

A sense of belonging dictates our level of confidence. Try as we might, we cannot function without others as we are social beings. From the moment we are born and bond with our parents, we begin the social cycle of inclusion: in family, relatives, schools, friends, relationships, associations and work. There is no escaping others because they validate our existence and reinforce our culture and identity. Others act as mirrors which reflect our presence. When this reflection is confusing, or does not match with our own self perception, it leads to isolation or an identity crisis.

Other people's attention, recognition, praise, affection and love are lifelines to our endeavours, reinforcing who we are and giving us the purpose to continue with our lives. When others we care about reject us, we are likely to reject ourselves too, internalise the hate and spew it back on the family and community in the form of deviant, selfish behaviour. Most juvenile and adult problems are caused by a deep sense of not belonging to anyone or anything. Such people are most likely to have experienced rejection of some sort in childhood or in a relationship which leaves them with a sense of isolation, probably a desire to be destructive and a feeling of not having anyone on their side who really cares about them or their future.

For example, this bright, but sensitive, young 14-year-old girl was always being called nasty, hurtful names because of her surname. She had a terribly low opinion of herself and didn't see herself advancing far, despite her abilities. Having being picked on constantly, she felt 'unloved' and 'lonely' and wanted to leave school as soon as she could. She saw the greatest event in her life as 'getting married to a nice guy who loves me as I am'.

Lack of Affirmation
Her peers' cruel behaviour did not affirm who she was so she had begun to reject herself too, rating herself very low in esteem and refusing to acknowledge that her surname had little to do with her looks or talent, or that she could still be anything she wanted. As the social mirror did not reflect her self-perception, she was very hurt and began to reject her schoolwork, precipitating her steady decline. This girl's negative feelings came as no surprise but they are disturbing. At this age, the friendship of her peers and being considered 'one of the gang' are very important in her development. If she is continually teased and rejected it makes it difficult for her to appreciate herself and her potential or to recognise herself as someone worthy of respect and love, especially at this important transitional phase when she is moving from childhood to adulthood.

In fact, one of our worst emotions come from a sense of total rejection by those whom we care about most, hence the traumatic effect of any broken relationship which is not mutual. The sense of not belonging is very obvious when a relationship breaks. The loss of a partner is an immediate loss of self-esteem. We suddenly cease to be attractive in our own eyes, not caring about anything for a while. We become non-persons whose value has dramatically fallen. Yet we would still be very desirable to an awful lot of other people. At these times, it is pointless telling someone to 'snap out of it' or that 'things will get better'. Their sense of exclusion and lack of belonging mean that they cannot see what well meaning advisers can! They have to go through a painful period of denial, anger, acknowledgement, acquiescence and finally full acceptance of their situation before they can begin to come to terms with the loss and rebuild their self-esteem.

Some people never reach this final stage of acceptance and remain bitter and vengeful for years. They cling to the past because the memories and sense of rejection are so painful they are often difficult to relinquish. The present means little to them because the past remains unresolved. By hanging on to the pain, as hurtful as it might be, they still have a 'cause', a status and a 'good reason' to do nothing to change their situation. However, along the way they lose their sense of purpose in relentless negativity, they loss their confidence and self worth and they create an emotional void which gradually affects their capacity to develop truly positive relationships or trust in others.

Anxious and Isolated
A sense of not belonging, especially with those who matter to us, destroys our confidence utterly because it is the reactions of others which moulds, confirms and maintains our self-image. Who we are and where we belong are dictated by our cultural history, individual background and significant others around us and when they cease to care, so do we, which has the biggest effect on our personal value. If our loved ones do not share our perspectives, hopes or aspirations, we become more anxious, isolated and unproductive. We cannot achieve our potential because our ambition disappears too.

A sense of belonging to someone or something is therefore our greatest need. We identify a niche for ourselves, according to the roles of those around us, and take on that persona. That is why two people cannot occupy exactly the same position in any family, friendship or work unit because a sense of belonging depends on individual uniqueness. There would be problems of social and personal identity. Our own confidence is controlled by this feeling of belonging because most of our actions are geared to align with, or to disrupt, our environment, depending on our sense of security. If it is strong because we feel wanted, there are fewer hang ups, as we feel less threatened by others. If it is weak, we are plagued by insecurity and find it really hard to be positive. When we feel isolated, insecure or rejected, our self-esteem takes a nosedive.

Elaine Sihera(MsCYPRAH) 2010
Emotional Health Adviser
"Respect and love begin with the self. If we have none, how can we give away any?"

I was driving home from Madison's Karate class, her second session, and listening to a song that I have listened a hundred times. About the middle of the song a huge sadness came over me, and if I am to be completely honest, that I had not experienced for a very long time. That unexpected emotion almost brought be to full blown tears, but those that you really come out without prejudice.

I know what the @!$%# is wring with me, so what if Madison wanted to go stay with her grandma, she has done that many times, but that coupled with the fact that last week she stayed the whole week with her mother and decided to forgo the Wednesday stay with the other parent and what happened on Saturday, well! I did tell my friend that I can take anything, any given situation and seem either indifferent or as if those piercing blows that people can throw at you do not even make a mark, but that is not to say I don't feel them. Even as was swallowing that huge lump in my throat trying to sing along with the radio, I was able to control that damn feeling of disappointment, disbelief, and a bit of discomfort that I did not stand up and grab someone by the throat.

I was not going to write about this because I saw it as giving those morons a forum, but in reality as I told (ya'll know who) that I did not want people telling me they were sorry about me having to have gone through it or, chin up comments, or anything of the sort, yeah, I was that upset, but after almost weeping like the little kid that lost his grandmother when he was 12 I figured,l what the hell, those comments never hurt anybody.

Saturday was the 4th birthday party of my nephew, Dodo (Douglas Dominic), and I showed up late, made an experimental apricot-mango-chili sauce, that came out so spicy and good that I will have to make it again, connected the music to my car, and began a slow drinking night sitting back and away from any arguments. I am truly tired of dealing with either I am wrong, when I know I am right, having to stand between people when they argue because I am the only one that they are scared of, or been engaged by someone that thinks they can kick my ass because they have beer muscles. I was not going to be sucked into anything of the sort this time. As the night went on, there where some peculiar things that I was noticing, my mom was acting weird, my dad was getting drunk, ok that is not unusual but he had not eaten all day, one of my aunts made a point of going to talk to me about religion of all things, that poor kid trying to get my attention; I know I must be going crazy or I am just crazy already. Until the last hour and a half I was at my parents solidified my suspicions.

All of a sudden every possible joke was being thrown out about, gays, and fags, and shhhs, and where is that other fool (gay). I just sat there and took every innuendo and either threw it back at them or laughed along with them, not because I was been a coward but because I wanted them to show me their true colors, I wanted to see to what end they were taking the whole thing. Someone found out, or should I say, someone finally decided to see all the little pieces of the puzzle together and finally concluded that I have sex with both man and women, no wait, they figured it out wrong because they think I am gay, but I am not gay, except when I am happy, or when I "have the grimace." Big wow, jeez they win a prize! What you may ask, absolutely nothing, because I am the same person I was last week, last month, yesterday, today, and will be tomorrow. I believe that I should not have to explain what I do behind closed doors, or open ones if I so choose them to be to anyone, besides my family have met many of my friends, gay, straight, women, men, dumb-asses, geeks, even ones that start sweating when they approach my parents house.

As my mom said a very long time ago, before I had even been with a man, after she asked me if I was gay, it does not matter because they would still love me the same. Them why ask the question. If it does not matter them just be happy when I take anybody home. It was not my family that was digging into me but rather my sister's ex and his brother and sister, although the sister looked like she was a bit uncomfortable also. At the end, I simply rose from my seat, stepped around the enlightened group of the social elite, went to the restroom, straightened my tie, oops I am adding aspects to make myself look better, said bye to my mom, asked my sister to let me out since the truck had been parked behind my car, walked out, told them all good night, and a couple of comments letting them know that it did not matter where I was going that night or how I had acquired my car, since they will believe what they what.

Now all this not make me as upset as the last glimpse I caught of that kid that was trying to get my attention made me feel. He was not such a bad looking kid, about 18 - 20. What the hell was he thinking trying to get my attention? He must have felt great hearing he was not the only one like usual, and what did I do, I ignored him, and would not even look his way, because the outcome of me and him sitting together and talking, laughing, just becoming friends, would have had ever pair of eyes on him and I, whispers and shhhs, unnecessary over-attention to a situation that merits nothing more than a simple smile and acceptance. The last time I saw him was at the back door. He was going to go get a soda or something, but when he saw me sitting 30 feet away right in his way to whatever he was trying to get to, he closed the door and went back inside. The rest are just the other fish taking nibble bites out of me, lying still motionless, emotionless, at the bottom of a huge pool, but that young man's returning into the house was something he should had never experience, specially that night. That huge mistake I hope I get the chance to correct and offer my sincerest apologies.

There are things that happen throughout a day or even a life that will make some men think abioout their manhood or their machismo, specially for a man like me, brought up to be strong and "men don't cry," and you are the rock, but well with me you have to throw almost everything out. Just riding in the car today with my little girl listening to music and running errands, two times I fought off, not the need or urge, the overwhelming desire to cry, but the third one was too strong and unrelenting that they just started streaming down my cheeks. Tears that were full of melancholy and sadness that were to hard to fight off and I can still feel.

Maybe i am eshausted, emotional empty, or maybe it is the fact that I have to understand everyone, yet no one can understand me, or maybe i just needed a good clensing cry, or maybe it is that my "cutman," the one that was always to be at my side and never turn on me did. I have lost good friends and lost great loves and i know I will lose more and pass worst times, and I will keep trucking on, but this one is really bothering me. Ok, a little background. I live with and old friend, a female that was my sweetheart long ago, when we were still inmature yet did not continue any relationship because she felt it would bug another friend we mutualy had, that had feelings for me. we had only talked to eahc other a few times in ten years, but like many things happen for a reason, the momment that I needed to move and needed a place to stay, she needed a room-mate, or rather a house-mate. So we became house-mates. We could always stay into late in the night watching television and talk about anything, we where more than friends only in the intimacy of closest then even lovers get sometimes. We know things about each other that many married couples would not even pay attention to. Unfurtunately, I think that is gone, no one's fault actually just life. Without gettign into details, I will say that she feel disapointed in me, but for something that is so trivial and small that it not worth any time, but she made it so big because of stress she is feeling about other aspects of her life. I will say a few things though, one, you can't critisize people and notexpect to be critisized and get angry when you know the criticism os correct. Two, just becuase the kettle is black do you have to call it BLACK. Three, if you love someone you do not ask him mor her that they have to change or work on some issues, speciallu when you can't see yours in the mirror. Four, I am still a man, a wussy, but still a man.

The Pack:

The pack is down to five K-9s; Lobo, LT, Diva, Loki, and Thor. Freya (Thor’s litter-mate) is now living with my mom’s good friend -Marty- and his nieces (and their two other dogs, a Husky/Sheppard mix female (Princes) and a little ankle-biter), they love her and she is very happy there.

Lobo is getting older (aren’t we all?), but he still is game for a good long walk, just don’t ask him to pull a cart or sled very far.

LT is a maniac, half the time he is locked to my side, the other half he’s plotting escape.

Diva is still the Queen Bitch of the back yard… and she thinks she is a little tank (she will take someone out from behind, just with a running bump).

Loki is living up to his namesake, he will start trouble and then he’ll back-off and watch the spectacle of me rushing out to the back-yard to see what’s-up. Oh yeah… Loki is the first Siberian Husky I’ve taken care of that actually bit me (it was not his fault… I was trying to break up a fight between him and LT, and my thumb found it‘s way into his mouth just as he was taking another bite of LT‘s cheek)!

That only leaves Thor… My Littlest Guy! He is such a good & beautiful pup, and he also exhibits the bravery and regal bearing befitting his Namesake (he stands up to Loki, daily).

Anger Management/VA/Health

Some of you may remember a few months ago I mentioned that I would need surgery (sinus)… well I have sought alternative therapy (outside of the VA system) to avoid being cut on by some washout/drunk/failed sawbones in a very questionably sterile environment.

I try to get over to the P.I.E.R. Drop-in Center at least once a month… not much help there, just good company (usually).

I have not been in a fight in many months, but I have lost my temper a couple of times… the last time was at the VA. Some @!$%# VA office puke had the gall to tell me to “Relax” after I started to get “loud“ in the waiting area of the Patient Business Office… Well @!$%# me (I Hate being told what to do)! I did the exact opposite of “Relax”, let me tell you. I told the guy "You don't @!$%#ing know me, Nobody tells me what to @!$%#ing do... I am not in the @!$%#ing Army anymore!"

I am so tired of the VA, and their BS.

WOLF Camp:

I have stopped writing to corporations seeking private funding for the program, it’s just not working. I did resend the program outline to both of my U.S. Senators and had a presentation/meeting with the veterans coordinator for Congress-member Loretta Sanchez (D) CA, last month with very disappointing results overall. I followed up with Congress-member Sanchez’s office 4 or 5 times since my meeting, Bill (the guy I met with) did not even take ten minutes to read the WOLF Camp outline before he passed it on (up the chain of command), he told me so on my first follow-up call. I have yet to talk to anyone in her office that has actually read the dam thing. The last time I talked to her office I spoke with her Chief of Staff (Garden Grove CA office), she asked me what I was looking for from the congress-member Sanchez, I told her that besides looking for seed funds for WOLF Camp (I mentioned that not all those stimu-bucks have been spent by our federal government), a letter of support from Mrs. Sanchez would be nice. The lady then lowered the boom on me; “Loretta would only issue a letter of support for established and operating programs“. Wow… I must admit that blew me away.

I think that the vision I had initially will have to be revisited, not that I am contemplating scrapping the whole idea. More to come about this, sometime soon.

Potpourri:

Have been watching Military Surplus Auctions (Of Course).

I am still working on a novel, doing a lot of action/fight scenes… dialog and character development suck!

In Feb during a bad storm I let a homeless guy (Mark) sleep in my truck. It was only supposed to be for the rain storm… but the guy pushed it to the limit, everyday he would have some version of the sob-story he told me the first day I talked to him. I finally (after about a week) had to be a complete prick , coming down to this basically: “ I really don’t give a F_ck about this or that… just get your @!$%# and move on.

Also in Feb my best friend Roger and his Mate split-up, he crashed at my house for about a week… then he finagled his way back in to their house and relationship (have I ever mentioned how much I dislike that word?). It lasted a grand total (of what?) four weeks, and now it is not just a separation but a freaking full-on D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Roger is back here at my place until he can figure-out what he is going to do with the rest of his life. I am probably not the best person for him to be around (what with my total lack of emotion when the subject of Love, Relationships, and Marriage come up) but it is, what it is.

In March (3-12-10) I attended a protest in Huntington Beach CA (my first for 2010), we were protesting the housing of sexual predators in a long-term hotel/motel near residential housing… I met John & Ken of KFI AM640, and Todd Spitzer (a local Orange County politician). This same week the City of Santa Ana started the repaving process on our street.

I guess that about covers things…

This is a topic I've thought about for a while now. It's that age old saying "discussing politics and religion is always a bad thing". Whether it be among friends, family members, etc, etc.. it can quite literally create a divide among people. Which is why.. me personally.. I don't often discuss those two often "taboo" topics among friends and family. It's a topic that is heatly debated among people and can invoke very strong emotions. In some cases it can even destroy friendships. I've found this out personally among family members and close friends of mine.. which is why... I try and avoid political / religious spats. Now on the Vine / Internet in general... we have a unique culture. Due to it being the internet and anonymity it provides... people.. including myself.. are more free to voice our opinions without fear of repercussions. Such is the age / nature of the internet. You see it everywhere. Newsvine, Youtube, Sodahead, Blogs, Google, etc, etc.. you name it. People voice there opinion.. and how they usually they truly feel. Most probably realistically wouldn't voice it in person to just anyone... or so freely. We will take the Vine for example. We have our Democratic side... our Republican side.. Independent... whatever. We are all very passonite about our viewpoints, etc, etc. Hell most of us can probably name our top nemisis on the Vine in regards to polticics / religious opinions. We can arm chair quarter back insults / thoughts / ideas back and forth all the time, but one thing I've realized is... and maybe a lot of people online don't.. is if you leave the politics and religion aside.. you can find common interests / ideas in the people you are sparring against daily on the Vine. :) I know this from personal experience. I have many friends... whom.. after debating and being on the other side of the fence on the Vine... have grown to like and form in lack of a better word a "bond" with. They are good people! Just because we might not politically agree, ideologicaly agree, or even religiously agree with.. they are good people. I refer to my own personal friends. I'd say its safe to say... 2/3rds of my friends whom I know personally and hang out with on a daily basis don't agree with my politics and religious views. We just don't talk about it often. Do I think any less of them? Of course not. They are my best friends first and foremost. I'm sure many of you fellow Viners feel the same way. We all have friends in life that might not agree with our political / religious views.. yet.. we are still friends. :) Since my time on the Vine.. I've had many debates with people.. and some who are my in lack of a better word "arch enemies". Yet.. on things that don't pretain to politics or religion.. I see us having more often then not a common ground and understanding. In fact... a lot of people whom I sparred daily with... are now whom I consider friends. We have a mutual understanding. It might not be in politics... it might not be on religion... but we have found things we have a common ground on. Whether it be... photography interest.. which was one for me. (I won't name names)... or a handful of other issues. I truly believe that most of us Viners have more in common then we think with each other. I've personally become friends with a few Viners whom.. I had thought I'd never be friends with.. but glad I did. I think that is totally great. Furthermore... I suspect.. if we had a Vinemeet (which has happened which I couldnt attend sadly) and we were all thrown into a room together.... with no knowledge of who was who on the Vine... I'd bet money many friendships would develop without knowledge of the bantering and political / religious views on the Vine. Which brings me to my point. While we might like to argue / debate / challenge / and shake somebodies political and religious views... in reality.. I think we all have more in common with each other then we'd like to admit on the Vine. After all... we are all human beings.. regardless of if we are American are not.. we all want what is best for our countries and families. I am proud to say I have Vine friends who while might not agree with what I say politically or religiously... are still friends. After all.. there is more to life then just politics and religion. So.. I ask you keep this in mind when you are debating and sparring against someone. You never know... this could be a friend of yours... or someone walking down the street.. and had they not been so vocal about issues / politics / or religion.. you could have been very easily been there best friend. There is more to life then politics and religion and that in itself does not define a person. I suspect many of us.. had we all met in a group setting... would be friends with each other... without knowing how each person stood on certain things and on the Vine. This is just my view and I wanted to share it. So.. keep in mind.. when you are debating someone on the Vine, etc, etc... just think. This could be a friend of yours.. a neighbor... a co-worker... a family member.. whatever. While its easy to get worked on online.. it could easily be someone you know or like. Politics / Religion do not define a person. Just because you think differently then someone else... dosen't mean they are a dumb bad person. It's like the age old saying goes "opposites attract". Just some food for thought. Thanks for reading what I have to say. Cheers.

The only name or rather nickname I remember from this individual is "Paisano," countryman in Spanish. I was 11 years old when this man helped out my dad in such a way that no one has ever helped him since, and maybe this is why he is the way he is. My dad fell into some hard times, got laid-off, could not find another job, rent was coming, overall a hard moment for his family; my mother never worked cause my dad wanted her at home with my sister and I. Well it looked like no way out, maybe only go back and live with my aunt on my mom's side but that was going to eat a lot of his pride.

Paisano lived next door in the back of a garage a small place about 200 squared feet. My dad talked to him every afternoon as they got home from work. My dad commented to him about not finding any work and the rent being due soon. After thinking for a while, Paisano told my dad that he would help him out, but that he had to money to lend him. Paisano told my dad to move into the little room he rented and that he would move to the 2 bedroom small back-house we lived in. He would take the extra rent even thought he did not need the extra room. They went to talk to the landlord and they all agreed to the solution. Paisano told my dad that he would give him one of his vending trucks to walk, no rent. My dad would just have to buy the supplies. Paisano owed a few of those two-wheeled "raspado" carts. For those who might not know "raspado" is a slushy type drink; basically shaved ice off a huge block with flavor splashed on the top.

My da told him thank you, but that he could not do that. Pride perhaps, but embarrassment more likely. After a few about a month, my dad found a job and told Paisano that we would be able to move back to the house in a few months, but the landlord had raised the rent and Paisano was already looking for another place to live. My dad decided to do the same. Paisano moved about a month and a half before we left the little converted room and although my dad found Paisano a few times after about the third time he could find him no more. He has never forgotten that man, he will mention him from time to time; a man who he did not ask for help but rather he volunteered and came up with the solution. The funny part is that we called him "Paisano," but he was born in a different country than we were, but then again "Paisano" has a much deeper meaning. I don't even remember his name, will have to ask my dad.

I've been wanting to write my opinion about the three for awhile now and the impact these social networking sites have on people and in todays life. I'll start by explaining my experience with them the best I can.

When I was younger... can't remember the exact age... but I started a Myspace profile as soon as Myspace got popular. I was 19 or 20 at the time out of high school I think. Myspace was great. Your own profile, customizable, and a great way to stay in contact with friends and family. Networking was amazing. Was also a great way to meet locals via the Internet as well without having to go on the prowl so to speak. I was a loyal fan for years and it has been a great experience. I've met many people whom are now best friends, stayed in contact with long lost friends from my youth, and also fellow classmates and family members that live across country / seas.

One thing I realized once graduating high school is how different life becomes. No longer is everyone locally that is in your age bracket at school on a daily basis and in one spot. The social networking becomes cut off in many ways. How else do you stay in contact with everyone you know? Meet new people? Yeah there is the phone or email like everyone has relied on in the past.. and even more in the past via postal mail. Realistically with the everyday business of daily life that can be an almost impossible task... and how else are you to meet someone new? Stay in contact with old friends? Family members? Well from my point of view the options are limited. You either:

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1. Those friends / family really close you stay in contact via phone, text messages, or by snail mail.

2. Meeting new people. Either you meet a new friend or other via word of mouth, at a bar, at church, or a workplace. There is of course the random meeting of someone at like say.. shopping. Still in busy day life... that too can be a daunting task.

3. Online... via Myspace, Facebook, Plenty of Fish, Twitter, Match.Com... or other social networking sites.

So like I said before.. I am a big Myspace fan. I've stayed in touch with many friends and people where otherwise might of and realistically been an impossible task. Hell... I've even met my son's mother off of Myspace.

Now we come to Facebook. Facebook is the big rival to Myspace. Another social networking site that was made by a college student that just exploded with popularity. Facebook is different in how it works and I think it's important to note the differences between the two.

I didn't get into the Facebook thing until probably a good year or so ago. As a Myspace fan I was kind of bias of using another networking site. I mean... one was enough right? Now I realize I was wrong.

Myspace you can create your own profile, totally customize your profile, the html, music, photos, everything. In fact... it's so customizable that some peoples pages... and I'm not trying to be sexist here... that a lot of girls / womens profiles are so packed with photos, add-ons, music, etc, etc.. it borderline crashes your browser to view their page or could give you a seizure. This.. in my opinion is probably the biggest downside I have with Myspace. It got ridiculous and annoying fast. Was no really set standard anymore.

So I signed up for Facebook. More out of curiosity then anything but I also realized / found out I had many friends who only used Facebook.. and not Myspace. The same was visa versa! Also some used both. Biggest example I can give is all my family used Facebook and never Myspace so I missed out on being able to communicate them more efficiently for quite awhile. At first.. Facebook was foreign and different. Almost a little confusing which is hard for me to admit being a computer geek to begin with. I wasn't convinced how cool Facebook was until a couple months into it and as I found my friends. Now I find Facebook to be the best out of all three. More grown up. Easier to use. Easier on the eye. Easier on... well everything. Proof of this is how recently Myspace has tried to emulate many Facebook features........ I mean.. copying is the biggest form of flattery is it not? What I like about Facebook is its simplistic way of use. Nobody has crazy profiles of pink.. music..flashing backgrounds.. hundreds of photos and profile pages 50 scowls long, retarded profile schemes, etc, etc. That got REALLY got annoying on Myspace personally and fast.

So now I use Facebook on a daily basis.. and use Myspace... maybe once.. or twice every other week at most. I've had many friends delete their Myspace account and use Facebook as the only social networking site. I'd do the same, but many of us... I have some friends who only use Myspace... or only use Facebook so I'm stuck with keeping both. Doh! Each serve their purpose I suppose to be fair.

My opinion strongly is Facebook is the best one available now, the most grown up one, the most simple effective one, and the one I use on a daily basis. Both are competitive though. Each have millions and millions of users... and each has cell phone applications to support both. Twitter does too I should mention. Yet.. for the purpose of this article.. my personal favorite now and most practice one in my opinion is Facebook. I should note though that the college student who created Myspace and his buddies are multi-millionaires. Facebook... the college student who created that.. whom is one year younger then me I believe at 25 now.. is worth 1.5 billion dollars. NUTS!!! :)

Now.. on to Twitter. For those you don't know. Twitter is a social networking site like the Facebook and Myspace but with a big difference. You can only type a certain amount of characters and post them as updates. Think of it as... well.. an update.. pager style. You don't really have a profile like Myspace or Facebook... but you can update it with your status and what you are doing... in the amount of characters specified. I'm actually surprised how big it has got. It's a big hit now with celebrities and politicians. I personally don't use it as I fail to see the point. Myspace / Facebook is more the enough in my opinion. I don't need to know what everyone is doing at all times during the day, yet... despite my own opinion of it.. is very popular. To each is own. I heard the just went went public with stock and millions of dollars from investors poured into the Twitter application.So.. my question to my fellow Viners is... do you use Myspace / Facebook / or Twitter, and what is your opinion of them?

Note I do have fellow Viners as friends on my Myspace and Facebook. Even Newsvine themselves has a Newsvine "fan" page on Facebook I'm a member of. However you look at it or opinon of either of them... they are connecting people in a way that has never happened in the history of mankind. For better or for worse... these sites and technologies are here to stay. Whether they are for the best... or the worse.. only time can tell.

Thanks for your time and reading my article. Remember to adhere to the COH. :)

Though silent and imprinted,
Sometimes brings turmoil vented,
Fleeting like a caring wind,
A peace lost that was so kind.

Unwavering disregard,
A heart long ago turned so hard,
Touched with love by so many,
In return pains, uncanny.

Steadfast in mood and habits,
Like a sharp ax it all splits,
Lingering within echoes remain,
Lost forever a friend left in pain.

Becoming a better being,
Learning and yet to be seen,
Perhaps at the end I will see,
All the hurt caused by me!

The holidays bring happiness, togetherness, gifts, feasts, but it also brings loneliness, hate, sadness, and stress. Many might feel like it is all hey can bear and explode, or just feel so bad that they can give up on life people, or being happy. Sure it is hard, I don't mean the holidays, I mean life. Why should it be easy? And to suppress emotions is, well, just harmful. Open up, give a long lost friend a call, hell go to a gathering somewhere, there is no reason to close off. We all have difficult days, weeks, months, years, lives, but it is what we do with our experiences that makes us a bit more human.

Take it from me, I've had a fairly bad day. Frustrating and exhausting, nothing a good dinner and a sincere smile from a friend could not cure. Many things in my life are a huge mess, and I do mean a huge mess, and yes I get angry and feel like running out and hitting something/one, but I curve that path. There are some days that if someone gave me a hug I would break down crying, but there are never any days when I feel that there is no hope. I don't know how or why, but I always feel deep inside that everything will work itself out. I am very negative sometimes, but always optimistic. Not sure how that works!

Today I spent about 45 minutes with an old friend, and old girlfriend, I mentioned she had a bad heart in another article, and she wants some of my time, which I have plenty, but I have found it difficult to see her. Not because of any lingering feelings but because of the end that I see coming. She has being told one more heart attack and it will be the last. So for her there might not be another tomorrow. Regardless of why we broke up, she is still constant in my mind, we had lots history, she is my friend and I should give her the time she needs from me even if I know the end result might bring me pain or sadness. She has noticed a change in me, something different, and I know I am not the same person, but she still needs a friend, and I am not so sure I can be such a true one, but I will give her anything she needs. I have not been there for many of the times friend might have needed me and that bothers me quite a bit.

There are friends and then there are those who stand on completely different level. I have three such friends that take me as i am, an arrogant, loud, cry-baby, strong, stubborn, moody, etc., and I truly do not understand why they are so willing to put up with the negative side of my personality. Sure i might have some good qualities, but sometimes even I can't stand myself, so I stay away from everyone. These three friends have been really great in this time that i was out of work, had no money, was pissed of half the time, and was well just an irritable person to be around.

Jim, many know who he is, he helped me with well talking and calming me down, taking me to places I never expected to be, he loan me money for the rent and to have a few bucks in my pocket. i have learn a whole bunch about myself with the conversations we have. He has allowed me to stand back, escape my life even if for a few hours or days, to collect my thoughts.

I have spoken about my house mate from time to time, Yvonne, has been a great friend. She is the kind of woman whom would do almost anything for someone she calls a friend or family. She has been so good in just leaving me alone to figure out what to do with my life, never has she asked me where I go or stay when i don't go home for days, and when i was having the financial problems, she was really great in well dealing with my lateness of the rent.

The last one is Alex, whom has always contacted me at the very appropriate times it would seem. If at any time i was upset or angry or in a sad, emotional mood, he always seem to know the exact time when to text me a joke, ask how i was doing, just say hello and keeping me a bit calm. He would just sit and listen or rather read all the crap I was talking, or rather all the anger I was exhibiting.

All three are held in the some part of my heart that no one goes into, not even myself, it is that protected. How to return the, for lack of a better word, favor is unknown to me. Actually, I think to them it is not necessary, which makes them even more kind. It seems that in my life, even though I do not believe in god, I can safely say that I have "seen the face of god," a few times.

Forget all the material help they gave me, their kindness helped my state of mind in a huge way. Unlike Tevye, I can bend without breaking, but I would be a very unhappy pretzel.

Here is the definition I found on family. Not sure what yours might fall into, but as luck would have it, tonight I was let into something so beautiful that brought tears to my eyes. My house-mate had a gathering of all her "cousins," but of course some are a bit more distant than that but were there. As my house-mate finished her blessing, her house after all, everyone was going to give thanks, and although some skipped it like me. The oldest of the bunch made it know that he was not going to say a prayer but give thank to the good things for this year, not much huh? Well you would be surprised! He is thankful to a death, a death in their family brought them together again, a death in the family made them cry together, made them remember the old times when they were young. A death of a loved one made them put their differences aside, and I was lucky to see the fruition of it all. I certainly hope that their new found togetherness lasts.

You might ask what about my family, well for that there must be more time, i do not hate them, I put up with them. Love them as much as I can, do not hold them in any contempt, in fact I hold them to a standard they don't understand why! I would do almost anything for my family and the same for someone on the street.

Tonight I felt included in someone's else family, not because of who I am, but rather because of who they are. I don't think I could be at another of their gatherings, i might start crying, wait I there was another gathering were I cried! ha!

10: a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together: Many hippie communes of the sixties regarded themselves as families. very interesting!

Some great words of wisdom here.

This morning, when I got up to put the trash on the curb for the collectors, the woods on the hill across from my house were on fire. Not actually, on fire, if you will, but lit up by the rising sun reflected off the low-lying layer of clouds passing a short distance overhead, lit up like billows of flame racing across the treetops. After I finished with the trash, I stopped in the driveway, shivering, to admire the show for a few minutes. It's not such a rare sight in the hills of southern Ohio in the fall, but it's not exactly a common one, either. And then I went inside to feed the dogs and prepare for a working day.

My wife and I eyed the sunrise as we drove away from the house towards work, catching glimpses of it now and then, and for one beautiful moment we had a clear view of the sun just above the horizon, surrounded by a nimbus of orange-gold clouds, and then lost again behind trees and homes, and eventually more hills. And in a few minutes, the sun was well-up enough that the magical quality of light peculiar to sunrise had dissipated.

"I bet you're wishing you had your camera, aren't you?" she asked.

"I've got a camera in my pocket, there just wasn't a good place to stop and take a picture," I replied. "Photography is a little bit about talent, but mostly about timing. Some things, you have a big window for catching them. Other things, like that sunrise, your window is about this big." I held my thumb and forefinger an inch apart in indication. "Sometimes things change pretty fast."

Just then we topped a gentle rise from which I have often taken photographs of sunsets over the last few years. Off to our left, recently harvested corn-fields lay like sheep, exhausted after a sheering. And I noticed that a large tree, well-over a hundred years old, an old friend and a favorite subject over the last six years, lay toppled on its little hill. It was off in the distance, and I couldn't make out what had happened. Did the wind finally push it over? Did a farmer, not paying attention, bash it with his combine? Did someone cut it down? It was impossible to tell. The only obvious fact was that it no longer stood like a solitary guardian over the surrounding fields, and the landscape was a little more barren for its diminished state.

"That tree is down," I told my wife.

"Awww. I liked that tree." We drove in silence for a few moments. "That makes me sad," she finally said.

I spent the rest of the drive thinking about absent friends, separated by distance or time or death. You have to enjoy the ones you love and the things you do while you have the opportunity to do so. Revel in their successes and commiserate with them in their defeats, and not lose sight of the fact that despite the best of intentions time moves on, changing the landscape.

Things change.

It truly is very easy to educate me when you catch my attention, like my friend has, he ha found a very specific way to help me undertand many things and learn from then as well and learn of myself also, he just simplyp paid attention to what I say from times to times. What my friend has been doing is showing me old plays on YouTube, yes I know! I have always wanted to see all those incredible performances. Never would have done it on my own. Now to date I have seen three, two I love extremely, one in particular, the third left me wanting, but the three made me think so much that it filled my head with thirst for more. I only wish that I woudl have been able to see them whith those wonderful actors and actresses like PattiLupone, come on Madonna comes no where near her performance, gives me chills just thinking of Patti raising her arm's inciting and when seen gives me chills.

The plays are truly timeless, Pippin what a great story, and Ben well, he is the man. Les Miserables, what wonderful music, I hear the epilogue song now and their emotions run right through me, and the words so so full of love and hope. Sunset Blvd, and Cabaret, Chicago, and Sweeney Todd, with Angela Langsbury, that would have been great to see. The better part of the past year I have learned so much about the theater, and the more I see the more a want to see. What has all his done to me? It has awoken my interest! it has made me want to learn again, Learn from the French Revolution to Latin America, to the darkness of the human heart so that it never enters my soul. It has made me want to live to 100, which will live me so short of learning what I want to know! For this my friend has my thanks and admiration for being so patient and asking for nothing in return

The history is rich with such wonderful subject as the arts and sadly children ar missing it and the arts being lost, well at least for me I will try to instill some of these wonderful music to my little one, she has liked everything I have played until now, hopefully it easier to get her started then I was. But To be honest It was not so hard to get me to go.

Being unemployed certainly has its drawbacks but on the other hand it has its joys too. Now I have the time to do all the things I put off until tomorrow. Like going to the park with my great nieces and nephews. Canning my own jellies again. Redoing the flowers in my yard. Taking time to go hiking alone. Curling up with my book outside in the swing.
I am teaching a flower arrangement class at my mom's senior citizen center. I have taken my granddaughter and her friends to a couple of baseball games and I am teaching them to jitterbug as well as like my "old" music. My older sister and I have been hitting the second hand stores for bargains. And best of all I have time to prepare and cook a romantic dinner for me and the love of my life instead of going out for one.

Although I learned along time ago to make time for family and friends no matter how busy I was it just was not quite the same. Now there is no frantic rushing around to finish up one thing so I could do another. I have taken the time to find some old friends I had not been in contact with for a while. I am writing "real" letters again..the two and three page kind. I am writing poetry once more and have finally finished that elusive fourth chapter of a book that I have been working on for my granddaughter ever since she was born. Thirteen years and I have four chapters, not exactly what I had hoped for when I started it but maybe now I will do a little better.

I have driven around the small town I grew up in and realized I have missed much of its growth even as I watched it do so. I have visited some of the local landmarks that I had not been to in years. Taken long leisurely drives down the country roads that used to be the only roads around and driven past my grandparents old house. I have finally gotten around to sorting through old photographs and bringing to mind some wonderful forgotten memories. I lost both of my dads in the last couple of years and I had been given some things of theirs that I had just boxed up. Going through those boxes also brought tears and laughter and some feelings of closure that I had not realized was needed.

If and when I find a job I know that things may change again but for now I will count my blessings and be glad I have had this chance to stop and smell the roses...the ones I planted myself and that are growing in my own backyard.

Most come and go as the wind,
Simply another face from the mind to unwind,
Many don't know who you really are,
Others think even trying is too hard.

Throughout your life you will find a few close ones,
Some that can make you feel a Midas touch once,
So why do we throw them to the wind so casually,
Special one blowing to the east so gradually.

To hold then tight migth be costly,
Pain, sadness can be so lofty,
But the embracing for a friend adjudging,
Can make their presence so wanting.

Yet we push and push till the snap,
To pretend as if in a nap,
Truly most have done wrong a pal ,
Seemingly to avoid our fall.

Even when you wrong them they stay,
Called your bluff to your dismay,
Only one thing to do then,
Fight, fight that demon from within.

Regale in the fact that you have that buddy,
Whom could erase that that frown so moody,
Remember those you discarded,
There is no doubt they recall your heart so guarded.

Tonight, my deepest darkest wound was opened up, by someone who had no intention of hurting me. All because this person did not take the proper precautions to protect me from the pain I once felt. However this person is not the one to blame. This person is an innocent bystander. They inadvertently reminded me of the most painful situation I ever had to live through. I spent more than ten years putting this tragedy behind me, and in one word, they rehashed years of torment.

This all could have been avoided had this person kept in mind the feelings I had expressed to them in the past. Had this person used their filter, instead of speaking off the cuff, they would have remembered this pain. Yet, this particular person had nothing to do with the anguish in the first place. The anguish was caused by who I thought was another great friend. Someone that at one point, I thought I could trust.

None of this ever would have happened had both parties kept in mind that there are some things that you just don't say to another person. I guess what I am getting at is: Be careful what you say to people. There is honestly nothing that hurts more than words or actions from a confidant.

After hanging around the third rock from the sun for 45 years I've come to a few conclusions about life and the world. Just my opinion of course. Many I really believe to be true. Many are just questions I have that there are probably no good answers to.

I am now 26 years old. I was 12 when we first got the Internet in February of 1995. We had one of those loud, tonal 14.4 kbps modems that would dial in to an access number for Infinet, which was one of the primary Internet providers in Ohio at the time. As a result of having this magnificent tool available to me, I grew up meeting people that made their life far from Hamilton, Ohio. They are fond memories I have.

My favorite stomping ground was Alamak Chat line. I met a lot of people there. I haven't talked to them in years but VirginiaGal and micki999 were two of my friends. KissMeAgain was another friend, she was a girl from Canada. I met a few girls on AOL when I spent some time on there too. One's handle was srd124 and her first name was Sarah. The other's name was GenLee01 and her actual name was Nicole Raylene Adams. I've tried to find Nicole Adams a few times through Google with no luck. I highly doubt she's reading my column but, hey, if she is she should shoot me an e-mail. LOL Also my cousin met a girl that I talked to frequently from Ashland, Kentucky whose handle was Atomicbabe and her actual first name was Carrie. I officially say to Carrie, by the slim chance she is reading my column, shoot me an e-mail as well.

I also met people that I have kept in touch with, mainly through a site that was geared towards teenagers called Bolt.com. These are people that, in some cases, I have known for over ten years. I still talk to most of them. Some of them read my column. I'm still friends with a fellow named James. A different fellow named James I still converse with goes by the handle vociferous. My buddy Scott is going to medical school now and we still talk on occasion. My friend Jen and I go for periods of time without talking much and then other times when we talk frequently. That's true of my friend Kimberly as well. Kimberly still has the AOL screen name that I suggested to her... nice sentimentality, that.

Seeing as how Newsvine is an online community where we all make friends, communicate with them, debate with them, etc. I thought it appropriate to write this article when my online friends, past and present, came to mind this morning. Now that I have told you about the people that I met who befriended me, who did you meet and befriend? Who do you still talk to? Are some of your best friends of the cyber persuasion? If so, let's hear about your experiences and friends. Who knows, maybe we can reconnect some people or, at the very least, revel in some pleasant memories.

I created a new group today: The Peace Vine.
Everyone if free to join, it is a public group.
All posts should reflect the groups mission. All others will be deleted.
You are free to post any day at any time.
Enjoy all!

I was reminded recently of just how short and uncertain life can be, not that I needed any reminders. My brother is active duty military, so we live with the danger of his job every time he deploys to a war zone. My father was diagnosed with stage 3 prostate cancer back in 2004, which recurred two years later (there is currently no sign of the cancer). Then he got diagnosed with a 2nd (unrelated) cancer last year (they think they got all of that one). So, after all of this, I am usually pretty aware of the transience of life, and the fact that we need to cherish the time we do have with the people we care about.

But every once in awhile, the world at large decides more reminders are in order, just in case you missed the message the first ump-teen times it sends it.

The first recent reminder came last fall when we found out that my uncle was diagnosed with stage 1 prostate cancer (they think they got all the cancer in the surgery and that he will make a full recovery). Then Monday came the latest reminder - a close family friend, the man that would be my godfather were I baptized, has also been diagnosed with prostate cancer. We are still awaiting information on his condition.

So the point of all of this? To remind us all that life is short. Every minute is precious. Cherish your life, friends, and family, because you don't know how long you will have them.

No matter how bad things in your life may seem, we all have something to be thankful for. Here are some of the things that I am thankful for:

The following is an e-mail that I received this morning and thinking it so appropriate to "bless my computer" as well as all my friends decided I wanted to share it. Not knowing any other way to get it from my email to here, I tried doing a copy/paste. In the process I lost the picture that was with it. Then ended up typing it in anyway in an effort to hold the poetry format. I hope I don't get in trouble for "plagiarism". But what's really cool is there really is a www.God.com if you want to type it in and check it out. (Scott this one's especially for you!)

Dear Lord,

Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed,
This tiny little Prayer
Keeps running through my head:

God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking
Please bless my computer too.

Now I know that it's unusual
To bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain it to you, Lord.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends;
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my friends.

I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give,
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where I live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendships grew.

Please take an extra minute
From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail in-box
And each person who hits 'send'.

When you update your Heavenly list
On your own Great CD--Rom,
Bless everyone who says this prayer
Sent up to God.com

Amen

On Halloween in the 6th grade my friends and I knew we were too old to keep going out trick or treating. We lived in a small town outside New Orleans. Our town had one traffic light, grocery store, gas station and about 5 flourishing bars.

I don't think I am addicted to the Internet, though I could happily sit at my computer all day and write/learn to my heart's content. In fact, some days when I have felt pressured with work, I have spent up to 14 hours on it. I find that when I am away in the company of friends, or attending an event, I don't miss my computer at all, I don't yearn to be back on it, neither do I even think about it. But if I am somewhere which is not too exciting and feeling bored, then I keep wondering what I could be doing if I were back home and then I start to think about being on it and can't wait to get back home to it. I really enjoy working and learning on my computer and can appreciate how easy it is to be addicted and not have the time to nurture other aspects of one's life.

So what is your relationship like with your computer? Would you say you had a healthy attitude to it, or could you do with some counselling to keep away from it? :o)

Call it what you will, but "something" led me to this site today … especially to the "Caregivers" group. Funny … I immediately noticed the first comment made on the group's home page. I does not seem like it, but this group's anniversary will be in one month...

Here's that initial comment:

rwarner (May 23, 4:47 PM): This is a great idea for a group. I also want to thank you guys for doing it. It is really wonderful. Thanks for accepting my membership. I am honored by being in such great company.

When I was asked to co-sponsor this wonderful group, I was thrilled! I felt privileged, flattered and eager to get the group up and running. Just think of the possibilities!!! What a chance to give hope and inspiration to others -- others who may be going through the same (or similar) situations we had already experienced, or ones we were right smack dab in the middle of.

I honestly can't remember how long I hung in there. There have been mantles passed around quite a bit in this delightful group. But, the lovely spirit who had the initial vision for this group, azsky13, has by far outlasted us all. What a strong woman she is!

Little did I know how emotionally draining the task of maintaining this group would be. Little did I know how dependent, in reality, I was on Mom. Little did I know how useless I would feel after her death. None of us can ever know what living on without the comfort of a loved one means. We can imagine (somewhat), but we can never really know prior to that inevitable moment. My lovely mother was a major (but not the only) reason I felt such a longing to be a part of this group.

I am so proud of you, Mary. I am equally proud of each and every one of you who accepted the "mantle" when it was passed to (or thrust upon) you. I commend you all, and each of you should be recognized for your efforts. Believe me, I know it is not easy. I regret not being strong enough to hang in there longer than I did.

I don't frequent Newsvine very much these days, but I still (and always will) consider some of you very good friends. Whether we have met each other in person or not really does not matter. My steadfast friends know who you are and where you will always be … in my heart.

With love,

Nance